Single Girl talk: My desire for a Godly man

As I begin this post I am already noticing it is a bit of a struggle to write. I'm trying to piece together how I feel bit by bit about this whole being single stage of my life, and its a complicated mess. I don't know how it happened, but somehow not too long ago I got out of the habit of being completely honest on what I write about on my blog. Not that I was lying to the any of you, but instead I was covering more things up in my life. I was making things seem a little too perfect than they really were. I told myself that if a post was a struggle to write, then I shouldn't write it. The enemy wants us to think that our struggles are shameful, when in fact, they are beautiful. When I share my struggles and I am open with others I feel so much better. Because lets be honest, life gets hard, and we all have problems. I'm realizing that it is OKAY and also extremely therapeutic to share what I am struggling with. I just love knowing that are many of you who have either felt as I have or are feeling the same way right now in your lives. I was so encouraged by all of your kind comments on my post yesterday and I truly enjoyed reading every single one of them, thank you so much! I feel so loved and extremely blessed that I have been able to meet such amazing people through blogging. Blogging has become such a big part of my life, and I am so thankful that Jesus has provided this special outlet for me.

 However yesterday I still felt a burden on my heart about being single, and I didn't know what to with it. Was it sinful to feel the way that I did? (Absolutely not, but I found myself thinking that to myself anyway). Is this a huge slap in the face toward my relationship with Jesus to have this desire inside of me? Do other followers of Jesus have this desire inside of them before they actually meet their husband? Isn't this need NOT supposed to be here? Shouldn't I feel 100% complete in God with no desire for anything else but Him in my life before I get married? After all, that is the type of advice for single Christians that I have read and heard so much about in the past.  "You just gotta reach that point where God is enough, then your man will come!" is what people typically say. Or they say: "Your future man will come when you least expect it, when your eyes are primarily focused on the Lord!" and of course the: "Jesus is your husband!" phrase. The thing for though is that none of that advice really ever has helped or let alone made me feel better. Jesus is already enough for me, I love Him with every ounce of my being. I feel Him with me everywhere I go. I have no doubt that where I am in my life is where He wants me to be. However Jesus has placed something in my heart secondary to Him that is undeniable. It is an overwhelming, flaming desire to be married one day to a man who loves the Lord. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." 

Psalm 37:4

Aha! It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. So this verse tells me that God knows this desire in my heart is there. In fact, it was given to me by him. I am not a crazy person!! God is aware of this desire, and unless for some reason He decides to take it away, He plans on blessing me with this desire, at the point in which I am ready to receive it.

"So uhhhh God, what the heck am I supposed to do with this desire until you bring it into my life? It could be ten years down the road till I meet my future husband! I hate to sound negative because I know your 100% positive, but are you like trying to make me go crazy over here? I am 10 seconds away from freaking out.."

Then God (just in time!) ever so clearly said to me in his soft, gentle, undeniable voice:

What I want you to do with this desire I gave you Jessica is begin to love your future husband now, as in today. If in the future if I take this desire off of your heart, then so be it. But for now, I have placed it there for a reason. It is not good for man to be alone, and two are better than one. It is a beautiful desire to have, and it is never something that you should be ashamed of. Absolutely NEVER deny this desire. If I remove it from your heart, you will know and it will be clear to you. It is not rocket science. Let this desire grow in your heart and preserve it. Share your struggle in being patient for me to bring it into your life, and seek me above all else as I continue to direct and guide you in your life.

ps- stop over thinking things and just relax. But seriously your mind sometimes girl.  C-h-i-l-l.

Love always, your heavenly father.

okay maybe I imagined God saying that very last sentence about wanting me to "c-h-i-l-l," but everything above that I truly did hear the Lord say to me. The holy spirit spoke through me right then and there, and I felt like I had just received the perfect answer that I needed to hear from God about waiting on my future husband.

So my friends, today I feel so much better knowing that this desire was put on my heart from God and God alone. He is in fact not torturing me, but instead He plans on blessing me with a future husband one day in the future. Unless plans change and I find myself desiring things other than a husband one day, then I can't wait for that beautiful day when I meet my future husband face to face (or maybe we already have?!) Until then, there is some things that I know I need to work on from here. I am clearly not ready to meet my future man, or he would sitting here right next to me. I want to make myself a better woman of God from this point on, and I want to get to know Jesus in the deepest way that I can. I want to reflect on the amazing way my father has created me to be as a woman. I also definitely do not just want to act like my future man is dead until the day we meet, I want to live out my life daily of honoring and thinking of him. I'm excited to learn more about becoming a noble wife as I grow in Christ, and also to move on in life WITH this desire kept snug in my heart, without denying it or looking at it shamefully.

I love you guys! Did you ever find yourselves wondering where your desire for a future husband came from? Did you ever consider it to be "wrong" and that you should ignore it and shove it to the side? How are you preserving and honoring that desire in your heart today?

Love always, Jess

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the struggle in being single

Lately I've been hesitant to share with you guys what exactly is on my heart and what has been bothering me. It is a topic that I am not too fond of talking about, and it is typically something that I like to ignore. I've decided that I need to remember that being vulnerable is a good thing, and it's okay to share with you guys the things that God has laid on my heart. Plus, I know that the enemy would only want me to stay bottled up and emotionless, and I refuse to do that. I am always so blessed when I read your guys blog posts that I am so easily able to relate with, and I appreciate all of your vulnerability so much. So here it goes: Lately I am really having a hard time being single. My emotions are out of control, and I keep going back and fourth from trusting that God will provide me with an amazing future husband to never getting married and not having a large group of godly friends as I so much desire. I prayed to God, "Lord, if it is not in your will for me to get married, then please take this strong desire off of my heart." Ever since I prayed that prayer, it seems that my desire is actually growing, but thats okay. Maybe the Lord just wants me to trust Him and understand that in my grieving of missing my future husband I can cry out to Him and He will sustain me. Maybe just maybe, God wants me to cry so hard and miss my future man so badly that I will begin to understand that on waiting on His perfecting timing for a future husband, I will see that I am actually in a beautiful place in my life. 

Some days are easier than others. Some days I find it to be the simplest thing in the world to trust and believe that my future husband is out there waiting for me and becoming more and more of the Godly man that I always imagined Him to be. But some days, its just plain hard. Some days, I find myself imagining the worst possible ending for my love life. I imagine myself being single forever, and telling my parents that I have decided to purchase 50 cats. {My mom and I actually laughed at that joke together.} The hardest part is comparing my love life to other girls. Many of the other girls in my life are either dating, engaged, or married. As wonderful as that is for them, I can't help but think to myself that I am lacking something. That me, on my own, just isn't enough. Being single isn't right, and I should be either in a relationship or married by now. I know that that is the biggest lie in the universe, but sometimes I just help but feel it to be true. I have decided that the next time I get really upset and I am missing my future husband, I am going to write Him a letter just as Eric and Leslie Ludy suggested in their amazing book that they wrote on waiting on your future spouse. It's going to be hard in that moment, but I am committing to doing it. I know it will make me feel better about waiting for Him. 

Lastly, I must remember the importance of dying to myself, each and every day. I must force myself to throw off every lie and desire weighed on my heart that God has not yet prepared me to act on yet. I must trust that His plan for my life is better than my own, and I must thank Him that He is guiding me in the best direction for my life. It's not an easy journey at all, but it is so much worth it. I pray that today God would help me to die to myself even more and trust His perfect plan for my life.

Then he said to the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.

Luke 9:23-24

Wherever you are future husband, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you and that every ounce of my being wishes that you were right here next to me, holding my hand. I love you for eternity. 

Now, onto eating some chocolate and watching the Bachelorette with my girl Des (home town date night tonight holler! GO BROOKS, YOUR A BABE!!!!)

Okay sorry for the really random ending, but thats actually what I am going to do.

PS- Do any of you single ladies find yourself struggling with the single life? What about you taken ladies, I know you guys have some good advice that you could share with me on waiting for my future husband!

I love you guys!

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praying for your FUTURE MAN. [the power of prayer]

     Hey friends! I'm so glad to be back in the blogging scene. Finals week for college was a killer, but my exams are over now and I'm thrilled to be back & finally just sit and share my thoughts with each of you today.

     God has been putting on my heart this past week a lot of thoughts about my future husband. Where is he? Who is he? Have I already met him yet? When will I meet him? What if I'm not ready for a relationship when I meet him? What if I don't know how to manage a relationship with Jesus and a boyfriend at the same time when he does come along?

     I don't know about you all, but these are so many questions that run through my head on a daily basis about him. Like, I hope I'm not a crazy person...please tell me this is normal at my age. The more I thought about it though and read some scripture in my Bible, I realized that God has always intended for me to marry someone, and he has put this desire on my heart to be with a man forever for a reason. Genesis 3:18 says: "Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just and right for him."

      As you can see, God wants us to be married. He wants us to find the love of our lives, that special someone he planned for us to be with long ago. God has the perfect match for you and me, but I'm realizing for myself that this godly man won't just come out of nowhere to me unless I PRAY.

      Prayer...what do you think about it? When I first became I Christian, I'm going to be completely honest with you, I doubted prayer. I doubted God was really listening. I believed in God and knew He was real, but I just couldn't imagine The God of the universe really cared enough to listen to me. I had to get to the point in my life where I was completely broken so God could cry out to me, "Are you ready to listen to me now, Jessica? I never intended for you to be put through all of this harm. Confess your sins and come back to me." From here I finally began to listen to Him, I finally began to confess, and it was here in my life where I finally began to see a way out of the darkness. There was finally a light at the end of my dark tunnel. There was no longer any more endless hope for me. Now I can say that with full confidence that God's response to our prayer to Him is: Comforting. Peaceful. BEYOND REAL. Beautiful. Encouraging. Amazing.

     So here it goes, I wanted to share with you ladies some ideas of mine on praying for your future husbands. I hope it encourages you. I hope it helps you to understand even more that God does have a special prince planned out for you. & Before I begin, I just wanted to say that these ideas of mine are not intended only for the single ladies, but also the married ones, the dating ones, the engaged ones, etc.

1) You pray for his heart.

Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Praying for your mans heart is IMPORTANT. Our man's hearts are so very special and need to be prayed for just as badly as our own. We often walk into situations where we end up getting hurt because we didn't ask God to give us the wisdom for protecting our hearts. Well, it's the same for men. Pray that God would guard their hearts, Pray that they would give their hearts to God EVERY day, Pray that they would always be seeking the Lord's heart until the time comes when God allows for them to pursue yours with tender care.

2) You pray that he would follow the Holy Spirit's leading in his life.

Another big one that I felt like I should share with you is this. From my own personal experience, following the Holy Spirit in my life has lead me to joy and peace, despite the pain it sometimes has taken for me to get there. This is why it's so important to pray for your man to follow the holy spirit's leading in his life as well. God's spirit speaks to each of us and guide us in all that we do, according to John 14:26 which says: "But the Advocate, the Holy spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind to you everything that I have said to you." Pray that your man would listen to the spirit's leading in EVERY part of his life, not just some parts. Pray that God wouldn't let the enemy lead him astray and get off track. Pray that he wouldn't allow the spirit to condemn him (because that's not from God) but only to CONVICT him. Conviction reveals us the truth we need to understand, condemnation tears us down.

3) You pray that he would love Jesus with all of his heart, mind, and soul, more than he could ever love you.

Sounds cray, right? Nope not at all! Some of you are probably thinking: "But don't I want my man to love ME with his whole heart?" Nope, you sure don't. I say this because if your man truly loves the Lord, his love for you will reflect his love for Jesus, which will be better than you ever imagined. God must be in the center of our relationships in order for them to be everything we have ever wanted them to be. God completely filled my old empty & broken heart with His unconditional love, which allowed for me to understand that NO man can ever love me in the way that He loves me. As much as I want an awesome Jesus-loving husband someday, I'll always want Jesus more. That's why I think it's so important to pray for our future men to love Jesus with all of their heart, mind, and soul. (Luke 10:27) Pray that God will always be first in their day-day-life, Pray that they would be able to understand the importance of quiet time with the Lord EVERY day, Pray that their love for the Lord would be so evident and strong that it would overflow into your own relationship with each other. Ephesians 5:25 says: "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." In other words, pray that your man's love for you would be similar to how much he loves Jesus.

4) You pray that he would surround himself with godly friends who keep him accountable

I have learned in the past year how important my Christian friendship are more than ever. These are the friends who keep me accountable of my actions, call me out on my sin, pray for me, watch out for me,and love me. Wouldn't you want your man to be surrounding himself with friends like these as well? After all, 1 Corinthians 15:33 says: "Do not be mislead, bad company leads to bad character." Pray that your man would surround himself with godly friends who keep him accountable of his actions. Pray that he would seek God's wisdom above all else when building new relationships. Pray that he would be able to maintain, encourage, the new godly friends that come into his life.

5) Pray that you would both meet when your READY, in God's timing.

Ah yes. I'll be 100% honest with you guys, this is the part that might be the hardest for myself. I often find myself creating fairy tale romances in my head the second I spot a cute Christian boy at church. Yep, I just admitted that. But hey, were only human. Lately God has been really telling me lately just to be patient and WAIT. He's been reminding how important it is that my future husband is brought into my life when both him and I are ready to meet each other. Pray that both you and your man would be completely ready for a relationship together when God brings him into your life. Pray that his heart would be ready to take care of yours when you meet. Pray that he is patient enough when pursuing you so that he treats you respectfully, generously, unselfishly, and lovingly.

Q&A Time!

What if I don't know if a boy I am starting to really like is "the one?" How do I know if it's God's will or I'm moving things too fast?

Gosh. there have been quite a few times in the past where in my relationships I totally jumped into things with a new guy way too fast, without talking about God with it first. Then whuddya know? I got hurt. I wish I could help you understand the importance for you to bring whatever situation you are currently in with a boy to God first and ask for His approval. For me, Talking with God about a new guy in my life is a daily conversation. I have to remind myself each day to tell God that if this new guy isn't in His will for me, then the He should take him out of my life and set me right back on his perfect plan for my life. So yes my lovely ladies, put God first. Not only in all the big things, but even the itsy bitsy things. (God wants to be THAT intimate with you, I promise.) Be prepared for anything to happen, knowing God works in mysterious ways. If you find out a new guy you've been seeing isn't interested in you anymore, don't allow for yourself to get too upset, as hard as that is to do. (Trust me, I KNOW. I've been hurt. It's painful.) But this truly just means that God has a better guy for you. After all, God wants you to be with someone who brings out the absolute BEST in you. You deserve to be treated like a princess.

Love ya'll! Happy Sunday!