The #2 problem with Christianity

"Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life."

Psalm 139:24

This is a very special verse to me because a lot of the time I will quietly pray it to myself as a way to find out if there is anything that I may be putting in between my relationship with the Lord.  It helps me keep my relationship with God on track, by reminding myself that its completely okay to be honest with God and allow for Him to show me the areas of my walk with Him where I'm slipping up. This is something that I have to do often, because God's the teacher and I'm the student. I'm learning something new from Him everyday.

Last night, I found myself praying this prayer to God once again. It's not that I felt distance from God or anything, instead I simply felt nothing. God's presence was there with me, but the passion I have always typically felt in my relationship with Him was not. The second I tasted God's goodness, I knew I wanted more of it every day for the rest of my life. Now that I have become familiar with God's "taste," its very easy for me to recognize when it is gone or dying down.

God quietly responded to my prayer by letting me know that actually this time I hadn't replaced Him with anything. Instead, I had run away from one of the problems in my life, which had prohibited me from receiving His grace in full measure. I saw a set of risky and unfavorable circumstances in front of me that God was calling me to tackle head on, and I became scared. Instead of responding obediently to what God had called me to do, I ran in the opposite direction. 

"Jessica, how can you ever expect to really know me if you run away from the things I have called you to do, no matter how impossible they may seem?"

I then thought back to all of the times where God has been faithful in my walk with Him, even when I doubted Him a million times. I told the Lord that I was sorry, and asked Him to forgive me for running away from what He had called me to do. The truth is that it was easy to run away. It was easy for me to take the "safe and comfortable route" away from the problem placed in front of me. As I look back on my walk with Jesus though, I am reminded that the majority of the time He has placed me in uncomfortable situations.  I am able to see how much I was able to grow through these experiences, as I relied on His strength more than ever to get me through.

The truth is, if we want God to become something more to us than just a guy we visit on Sundays, then we must accept that the majority of the time He will place us in uncomfortable situations. God will become a lot more real to us in our lives if we make that first step in choosing courage over fear. Although He doesn't promise to take away circumstances in our lives that we may not be in favor of, He does promise that He is with us continuously, & God wants us to trust and believe that that promise from Him is enough. 

Has God called you to do something recently that your afraid of? Are you running away from an area of your life that God wants you to stand firm in? I know I have doubted God and ran away from Him plenty of times, but when I finally decided to pull through and trust Him even in the tough times, I was truly able to experience His love for me. 

Love always, Jess 

When Forgiveness Seems Impossible

Forgiveness used to seem like such a simple concept to me. When I would overhear people say "Forgiveness is hard!" I never understood them. "How could forgiveness be hard?" I thought to myself when I would hear them say that. However at that point in my life, the only circumstances I had experienced involving forgiveness were with my brother asking for me to forgive him for stealing my toy, or pinching me in the arm.

Then the pain came. Somebody hurt me so bad, that I never imagined I would be able to truly forgive them. Or, better yet, I convinced myself that I somehow HAD forgiven them, but on the inside I really hadn't. My thoughts said "yes!" but my heart was saying "NO." My version of forgiveness involved me simply running away from the past and that painful situation, and pretending it never happened. I believed that by holding onto that pain of what that person did to me, then somehow I could mask it all up and pretend that it never actually happened.

THEN I met Jesus. From the start, Jesus started renewing every bit of my life. There was no masking with this guy. Although I was uncomfortable with the way Jesus boldly entered every door of my life, I saw He was working for my good. "Um...alright God, I really don't want to go there, let alone even talk about that situation, but if you insist..." was my typically kind of response to how Jesus would confront and begin to heal many areas of my life and past.

And finally one day, not too long ago, Jesus came to the door of my forgiveness situation, knocking boldly as ever. Jesus was not happy about this situation, not on bit. He said to me: "Jessica, you have certainly not forgiven this person. Your wound is still there. No matter how many times you bury it, it will always resurface unless you give the pain of that experience to me. Now, please let me heal you so you can truly move forward with your life, in joy and peace."

And my response to Jesus when He said this to me was this: "But God! I HAVE forgiven this person. I'm serious. It's behind me, I'm over it, I'm all good."

As I said this to Jesus, all of a sudden I imagined myself sitting there with that person, talking with them over conversation at dinner. Within seconds after sitting down with them, I immediately imagined  myself throwing a diet coke in their face and then chucking the deuces at them while saying
"PEACE OUT!"

...oops. Maybe I was a kinda-sorta still upset about the whole thing. And a little bit mad at them.

So God, you were right all along. It looks like I really haven't forgiven this person, but now I really am committing to making it happen. I see that it is going to be a process that takes effort and discipline. My emotions will typically go against me in this process, but I must deny them in order to obey you. I want to be set free from my past, and I want to forgive this person.

"Make allowance for each others faults, and forgive anyone who offend you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."

Colossians 3:13

So friends, forgiveness is hard. We may be weak, but our God is strong. Has God called you to forgive someone whom you have no intention of ever forgiving? Remember, if you work with God and rely on His strength instead of yours to help you forgive that person, you will be set free!  Your bitterness, anger, and hurt for that person will be gone. My prayer today is that we each rely on God's ability instead of our own to forgive those who have hurt us in our lives.

Love always, Jess

Single Girl talk: My desire for a Godly man

As I begin this post I am already noticing it is a bit of a struggle to write. I'm trying to piece together how I feel bit by bit about this whole being single stage of my life, and its a complicated mess. I don't know how it happened, but somehow not too long ago I got out of the habit of being completely honest on what I write about on my blog. Not that I was lying to the any of you, but instead I was covering more things up in my life. I was making things seem a little too perfect than they really were. I told myself that if a post was a struggle to write, then I shouldn't write it. The enemy wants us to think that our struggles are shameful, when in fact, they are beautiful. When I share my struggles and I am open with others I feel so much better. Because lets be honest, life gets hard, and we all have problems. I'm realizing that it is OKAY and also extremely therapeutic to share what I am struggling with. I just love knowing that are many of you who have either felt as I have or are feeling the same way right now in your lives. I was so encouraged by all of your kind comments on my post yesterday and I truly enjoyed reading every single one of them, thank you so much! I feel so loved and extremely blessed that I have been able to meet such amazing people through blogging. Blogging has become such a big part of my life, and I am so thankful that Jesus has provided this special outlet for me.

 However yesterday I still felt a burden on my heart about being single, and I didn't know what to with it. Was it sinful to feel the way that I did? (Absolutely not, but I found myself thinking that to myself anyway). Is this a huge slap in the face toward my relationship with Jesus to have this desire inside of me? Do other followers of Jesus have this desire inside of them before they actually meet their husband? Isn't this need NOT supposed to be here? Shouldn't I feel 100% complete in God with no desire for anything else but Him in my life before I get married? After all, that is the type of advice for single Christians that I have read and heard so much about in the past.  "You just gotta reach that point where God is enough, then your man will come!" is what people typically say. Or they say: "Your future man will come when you least expect it, when your eyes are primarily focused on the Lord!" and of course the: "Jesus is your husband!" phrase. The thing for though is that none of that advice really ever has helped or let alone made me feel better. Jesus is already enough for me, I love Him with every ounce of my being. I feel Him with me everywhere I go. I have no doubt that where I am in my life is where He wants me to be. However Jesus has placed something in my heart secondary to Him that is undeniable. It is an overwhelming, flaming desire to be married one day to a man who loves the Lord. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." 

Psalm 37:4

Aha! It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. So this verse tells me that God knows this desire in my heart is there. In fact, it was given to me by him. I am not a crazy person!! God is aware of this desire, and unless for some reason He decides to take it away, He plans on blessing me with this desire, at the point in which I am ready to receive it.

"So uhhhh God, what the heck am I supposed to do with this desire until you bring it into my life? It could be ten years down the road till I meet my future husband! I hate to sound negative because I know your 100% positive, but are you like trying to make me go crazy over here? I am 10 seconds away from freaking out.."

Then God (just in time!) ever so clearly said to me in his soft, gentle, undeniable voice:

What I want you to do with this desire I gave you Jessica is begin to love your future husband now, as in today. If in the future if I take this desire off of your heart, then so be it. But for now, I have placed it there for a reason. It is not good for man to be alone, and two are better than one. It is a beautiful desire to have, and it is never something that you should be ashamed of. Absolutely NEVER deny this desire. If I remove it from your heart, you will know and it will be clear to you. It is not rocket science. Let this desire grow in your heart and preserve it. Share your struggle in being patient for me to bring it into your life, and seek me above all else as I continue to direct and guide you in your life.

ps- stop over thinking things and just relax. But seriously your mind sometimes girl.  C-h-i-l-l.

Love always, your heavenly father.

okay maybe I imagined God saying that very last sentence about wanting me to "c-h-i-l-l," but everything above that I truly did hear the Lord say to me. The holy spirit spoke through me right then and there, and I felt like I had just received the perfect answer that I needed to hear from God about waiting on my future husband.

So my friends, today I feel so much better knowing that this desire was put on my heart from God and God alone. He is in fact not torturing me, but instead He plans on blessing me with a future husband one day in the future. Unless plans change and I find myself desiring things other than a husband one day, then I can't wait for that beautiful day when I meet my future husband face to face (or maybe we already have?!) Until then, there is some things that I know I need to work on from here. I am clearly not ready to meet my future man, or he would sitting here right next to me. I want to make myself a better woman of God from this point on, and I want to get to know Jesus in the deepest way that I can. I want to reflect on the amazing way my father has created me to be as a woman. I also definitely do not just want to act like my future man is dead until the day we meet, I want to live out my life daily of honoring and thinking of him. I'm excited to learn more about becoming a noble wife as I grow in Christ, and also to move on in life WITH this desire kept snug in my heart, without denying it or looking at it shamefully.

I love you guys! Did you ever find yourselves wondering where your desire for a future husband came from? Did you ever consider it to be "wrong" and that you should ignore it and shove it to the side? How are you preserving and honoring that desire in your heart today?

Love always, Jess

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Faith is hard.

Hey friends!

Happy Monday! Mondays aren't normally everyones favorite day of the week, so I try to be a little extra cheerful on these days with everyone that I am connecting with. This weekend was so much fun, and I am already sad that it is over. I was blessed on Saturday to go berry picking with my friend Allison who blogs over at A God Fashioned Life please click here and go check out her blog it is awesome AND she always has some inspiring thoughts to share! {Not to mention she has wonderful style!}

Allison and I headed out at about 9:30 to go berry picking, and it was so wonderful because we could literally SMELL the sweet berries as we got closer and closer to the farm that we were picking berries at. The smell was super strong and sweet smelling, we were in heaven! I picked about a half a bowl of berries and then later made a berry crisp with all of the berries that I picked. Allison made a berry crisp as well, and I'm sure her berry crisp was bigger than mine because she picked an entire bowl of berries instead of just a half like I did. My berry crisp was delicious! Below are a few pictures just to share with you guys, they are from my whole weekend that I initially posted on my instagram page!

below: The beautiful farm Allison and I went berry picking at on Saturday

below: pondering scripture over the weekend and reflecting on the truth that God will never let us down when we put our hope in Him-He always exceeds our expectations

below: my new kitten friend that I made at my first day of volunteering at the humane society on Friday! She kept trying to chew on my camera strap.

I can't help but overflow praise when I think about how much Jesus has blessed me with in these past few months. As I was reading Psalm 34:5 {the scripture I posted a photo of above} over the weekend, I thought about how many times the enemy tried to get at me when I was at my weakest point in waiting to God to provide me with Christian roommates to live with. I thought about how although I had to fight a great amount to get to where I am today, it has been so incredibly worth it, every teensy-weensy bit of it. When the enemy whispered in my ear: "So wheres God now? Looks like He's too late!" I whispered right back at Him that my God was going to provide and that He had a plan and a future for my life that was greater than I could ever imagine. And God did have a plan for me, because shortly after that I was blessed with the perfect place to live with along with the most wonderful of roommates. 

The bottom line though is that faith is hard. There is no way around that truth. It takes courage to trust God for everything that we need in our lives. I am realizing though that after every trial in my life with God, I am able to feel my relationship with Him reach a whole different level that I have never experienced before. That my friends, makes every part of my journey with faith worth the struggle. After all, what great story is there that is told without struggle? What need for God is there without the risks and leaps of faith that He calls us each to take? God knows me better than I know myself, and I am willing to continue to take any leap of faith necessary so that He can bless me beyond me belief in my life. Although some of the phases of life that God guides me in may be uncomfortable, but I am learning that God often calls us to live a life that is out of our comfort zones. Undeserving and sinful, yet God still loves me and chooses to give me life. Thanks Jesus!

I love you guys!

Love always, Jess