Thursday, July 25, 2013

sex before marriage: what I learned from that mistake

Hello. Today I would like to talk to you about a three letter word that starts with a s and ends with an x. Okay just kidding, I'm not that awkward, today I am going to talk with you about sex before marriage and why I think it is wrong. 

First things first, lets make some things clear. I am a Christian, so that is one of the main reasons why I believe sex before marriage is wrong. It is wrong for so many reasons other than that though. Ladies please, don't sit there and believe the lie as you listen to all of those other women out there who talk about sex before marriage like its some kind of adventure. Isn't it crazy how they make it out to be something to be the equivalent of dating? I'm not sure how you do that without breaking your heart. Well, I know that's at least how it was for me before I was a Christian and I had sex. I was miserable. 

Are you a Christian and have kept yourself pure up to this point and plan on doing that until your wedding one day? Great, I think thats awesome, and also something to be admired. But, thats not including all the Christians out there in that question. What about you- Are you a new Christian who has had sex before in the past and not really sure if Jesus will forgive you or not? Or maybe your not a Christian, and you have had sex and you find yourself feeling so..empty? so....hopeless? and your wondering why you feel this way?

I have been there.

I had sex before marriage, in college, before I was a Christian. I didn't know Jesus, and I had sex because a lot of my friends around me were having sex. According to everyone else around me, sex just seemed like the "typically thing to do." Yet I wondered to come I felt so depressed on the inside about sex and everyone else seemed content about it? I was searching for an answer. Little did I know that God saw my lost soul and my hopelessness and was beginning to pursue a relationship with me. 

Why did I feel so empty on the inside unlike anyone else? Why did it seem like I was the only one of my friends who didn't enjoy sex? Why did sex before marriage feel so wrong to me? These are some of the questions that went through my head before I met Jesus.

The thing is, sex is a beautiful, perfect, wonderful, gift from God. God loves sex. Thats why He created it. He created it to be between a man and woman who have made a covenant between one another in marriage forever. Anything outside those lines is dangerous, heartbreaking, and emotionally damaging.

That is why today, I have come up with some lies that many newer Christians typically believe about sex and how Jesus views this sin. I've replaced these lies with truth, so you can know how God really thinks of you.

Lie #1 about sex: Because I have had sex, I will never be "good enough" to be a Christian, so I should probably not even try to know Jesus because he obviously is mad at me. 

The truth: Actually, God isn't mad at you for having sex. Instead He is very upset about it, because He sees how depressed it makes you feel and also how much distance it puts between you and Him. God desperately wants a relationship with you so He can show you how He will be able to satisfy every single one of your desires. With God, you won't need anything else, thats how much satisfaction He brings us. Thankfully God gives us the free gift of grace, which means that none of us have to earn forgiveness from Him. We simply just have to ask for forgiveness, and He gives it to us. This means that none of us ever have to be "good enough" for God. We just have to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity of grace from Him.

Verse to support this truth: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God"
Ephesians 2:8

Lie #2 about sex: I can't start over again since I have had sex already, its too late.

The truth: Actually, you can! Once you accept Jesus into your heart, you are a new creation. If you don't believe that, then just click HERE to read my transformation story! God will transform your life in such a dramatic way, leaving you speechless. You'll be forever grateful and fall in love with Him forever as well. 

Verse to support this truth: "This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"

Colossians 3:25
Lie #3 about sex: Because I had sex before marriage, God obviously doesn't love me as much as that girl over there who has kept herself pure.

The truth: That's a HUGE lie! God loves us all the same. All we have to do is respond to His grace with asking for His forgiveness, and He will flourish us equally with His love. It's a crazy thing to think about, but it's totally true! 

Verse to support this truth: "For God does not show favoritism." 
Romans 2:11

Lie #4 about sex: Because I have had sex, I feel that I should condemn myself more than the next person who hasn't. I feel that I will have to earn my way for God's affection and love.

The truth: No way is any of that true! First of all, God tells us that there is no condemnation when we come to Him. THis means, if you are in a relationship with Jesus after asking for forgiveness, then God will not condemn you. If you feel condemnation, thats the enemy. Pray that God would deliver you from it and cover you in His blood. Also, Jesus is only about grace, no works. We don't have to do anything to earn His love, as I mentioned earlier. 

Verse to support this truth: "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." 
Romans 8:1

Lie #5 about sex: Since I have had sex, I am emotionally scarred forever and I will have this deep wound of pain inside me from sex forever as well.

The truth: God wants you to be filled with joy, not pain!  If you pray specifically for God to deliver you from wrong thoughts of sex, then He WILL. He did it with me. Whenever I have a painful thought of the past involving sex, I immediately release it to Jesus and pray that He would forgive me for allowing that thought to enter my mind and also that He would put a barrier around my mind so that no thought can enter it that is not from Him. Its hard because sometimes your un-conscious thoughts will think things out of nowhere, and you must even fight against those too. Don't give up on the fight! The enemy will try to remind you of your past and make you feel weak, but you can't give up. I really suggest reading Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer, it changed my life and helped me get my mind back in the right place with God! I also prayed that God would come into my painful memories of the past, and heal me from them, because thats what He always does. We just have to ask.

Verses to support this truth: "We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ."
2 Corinthians 12:5

"He heals the broken hearted and binds up all their wounds."
Psalm 147:3

Last but not least, I think one of the most important reasons why sex before marriage is wrong is because having sex before marriage is certainly not guarding your heart as God wants us to do. Sex is a very serious bond that leads to a special intimacy between two people. If we have sex with someone we are not married to, then we can only expect to get hurt. I would know, I made that mistake. Thankfully Jesus saw my pain and began to pursue me.

"Guard your heart above all else, because it determines the course of your life."
Proverbs 3:21

What are your guys thoughts on sex before marriage? 
I love you guys!
Love always, Jess

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  1. What a strong post. Thanks for posting.

    I think it's sad the way sex is glorified in our culture, you have shows about young highschool kids having sex, glorifying it. So sad.


  2. wow girl.. what amazing truths in this post. thank you for your vulnerability and opening your heart.

  3. Great post! I hate how trivial sex has become among our generation. I wish more people could read and truly take this post to heart!


  4. Awesome post! Beautifully written!

  5. Jessica, thank you for speaking out so boldly on this! I've been amazed lately how sex before marriage has become just a matter of "personal choice" between even Christian singles. I don't know how someone who really seeks to follow God would really not see that sex before marriage really is not God's plan. So, really....thank you for being a voice that's bold in this! Thank you also for sharing so honestly from your own life! It makes what you say so much more powerful.

  6. Thank you so much for sharing, Jessica. And thank you for your honesty! Do you mind if I share this post on Pinterest?

    1. No, not at all! In fact I would love for you to share this post on Pinterest! Thanks friend :)

  7. This is AMAZING! And packed with SO much truth! I have a very similar past, and God has sooo graciously delivered me from the lies that I used to believe about sex. It's amazing how night and day the difference is when God opens your eyes to His truth! I pray that this post reach sooo many eyes today, and that He would use it to set people free!

    Love your heart, girl!

  8. Wow this is POWERFUL darlin! I love that you are so open about your own life...what an impact God is using you to be through your experiences!! love ya! Katie

  9. What a beautiful, powerful, and honest post for our culture. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us!! Blessings!! :) Rebecca
    p.s.- On another note- Did you get my (very *smiles*)) long email response to your questions a couple of weeks ago?

  10. What an amazing heart you have, thank you for being honest and sharing truth, sweet girl. Love you! The Lord is using you to minister through your story and that's precious!! xoxo

  11. I may not agree with everything in this post, but I think I understand and agree with the fact that sex has been trivialized by members of our generation. Sex for the sake of sex is just sad, and will make a person feel empty inside. In order for sex to be fulfilling and meaningful, the participants have to be in love. Now, I do not classify myself as a Christian, but I have been abstinent my entire life, because I understand that sex is more than what the media makes it out to be. Thank you for sharing your story!

  12. wow..what an amzing read.I totally agree with everything.Sex is okay in God's sight, as long as the two are married.
    may God continue using you in his truth.
    please check out my blog at

  13. THANK YOU for sharing this and for your honesty. This is such a beautiful post for of beautiful truths! This needs to be talked about MORE. People NEED to know the truth! There is redemption. There is forgiveness.

    You're beautiful and so is your tesitmony!

  14. This is an AMAZING story, girl! I am so glad you shared this because I know you are pouring out truth for so many people to read that have been believing all these lies about sex before marriage. You're right– it really does need to be talked about more! It's such an important thing that is thrown off to the side in today's world. Your story is so powerful and a perfect example of God's redeeming love and power. Love you!

  15. My husband and I were both virgins on our wedding day. I will not deny that it was super hard to remain that way and that we did indeed have some close moments where we almost cause that to not be the case but we made it. Now being married and being sexually active with my husband I not only appreciate more that we never had sex before but also realize how hard it would have been if we did. Even in marriage sex can been difficult emotionally and I couldn't imagine going through that with someone who isn't my husband- committed to me.

    I am a huge believe about being a born again virgin in this area. God's grace is so beautiful and healing.

    XOXO/Lena @ RootandBlossom

  16. i really love this post,He shows me through this post how much He loves me,,,,
    thank u so much,,,,
    could i get your permission to share this with indonesia translate?

  17. To be totally honest, i dont believe in marriage bcuz i think its bullshit, so i had sex before marriage and it didnt leave me depressed or slutty at all. All women are different, some women enjoy sex before marriage and others dont. Its the same with marriage, everyone doesnt think of marriage as something positive.

  18. This is a good post. I don't believe in sex before marriage because it goes against the Bible(1 Corinthians 6:13-20) and having sex before marriage rises the risk of having children out of wedlock and contacting a STD. Plus it will horrible to tell your future spouse how much men you slept before you met and married your spouse.

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