When God changed my heart

Hey blog friends! How have you all been? I'm sorry I have been M.I.A. around here, I have just been taking some time to clear my thoughts and really listen to what the Lord is speaking to me through my life right now. I am so thankful because the Lord has truly changed my heart completely from the beginning of summer until now. So much has changed, and there is no better feeling in the world than falling in love with Jesus more and more every day. 

So uhhhh..what to talk about? As I sit here and pray for the Lord to give me wisdom and instruction, my mind is drawing a blank. I feel like I have so much to be thankful for with what the Lord is doing in my life, and I just want to praise Him all the time. It's a great feeling.

God revealed to me at the beginning of this summer that fear is something I struggle with a lot. My biggest fear is rejection, and this is because of some things that have happened with my old friends of the past. Along with rejection, my other big fears are simply for things to go wrong in my life. I either fear the worst of the worst happening, or I fear that just bad things will happen in my life in general. Whenever I think this way, my mind is in shambles, and suddenly God feels very distant. 

Although I have improved so much in this area of my walk with God since the beginning of the summer, I still struggle with it. It is getting better, but I am still weak. This summer has been such a humbling experience as I am reminded that the Lord truly holds every ounce of my strength. Without Him, I would lose every battle. Without Him, I wouldn't have any motivation left to keep going. 

Along with this situation being very humbling, I wont lie, it has been quite frustrating as well. Some days I just wish I was more far ahead in my transformation process. It is during these hard times that I hear the Lord speak gently into my heart: "Not yet Jessica, but soon. Trust me." God encourages my heart so much by helping me to recognize how far I have come. I realized today how uncomfortable I instantly become whenever my mind begins to shift into fearful thinking. At the beginning of the summer, I was so used to thinking that way that I didn't even realize there was anything wrong with my thinking pattern. However today, things are very different. In just 2 short months, the Lord has restored my mind and given me the strength to resist any thoughts that are not of Him. 

I think its easy for the each of us to focus more on how far we have left to go, instead of focusing on how far we have come in our walks with God. At least thats how it goes for me anyway. I should be praising God constantly for all that He's done in my life at this point, but instead I find it easier sometimes to complain and wish that He were working things out differently. How in my right mind could I look back on this past summer and NOT be full of praise through acknowledging the drastic changes the Lord has done with my heart?

 It's amazing that God loves the each of us enough to care about working on the little things within our lives. We don't have to be lying in a hospital bed in order for God to pay any attention to us. A lot of the time our biggest need for God simply comes from the lingering pain within our hearts. If God sees some kind of wall built up in my heart that is prohibiting me from experiencing His true character, He will do whatever necessary to break down that wall so I can know His love for me in full measure. I feel so loved knowing that God loved me enough to spend this entire summer working simply on my heart.  Thank you Jesus, I love you Lord.

"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

1 Samuel 16:7

In what ways has the Lord worked on your guys hearts this summer? Is it easy for you to fall into a routine of complaining to God instead of praising Him? In what ways do you think you can make an effort to start praising God more? 

Love always, Jess

giving God my pain

To begin this post: berry picking pictures with Allison from the weekend!

I threw the ball for Marley, laughing to myself as I watched her run after it with such excitement and joy. She's the cutest Labrador ever. 

Then, out out of nowhere, I felt it.

That sinking feeling in my heart. That pain you can't put into words.

A wound from my past that had resurfaced totally out of the blue and un-expectantly from long ago.

I thought this wound was long gone, that somehow, Jesus had "made it disappear." 

But no, somehow, it was still there.

Although from the outside looking in, it may not seem like a big deal it all. After all, its just a situation involving a best friend of the past from high school who out of no where decided to act like I didn't exist one day. 

But, this situation caused me pain. It broke my heart. 

& since I never gave any of this pain to Jesus, it still lies there.

So since that day over the weekend, I have committed to healing this wound in my heart. I'm so tired of running for my past, and wanting to forget about everything that has happened to me. I have realized that is the worst thing I can do. No, Jesus doesn't want me to dwell in the past, but he certainly wants me to grow from it. In order to do that, I must give Him my pain, and choose not to be afraid. 

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61:1-11

Part of me wants to move forward and forget my past, because I don't like thinking about it. I have often wondered why God put me through the things that He did, because I wanted Him to give me a "better story," or a more "cleaned up one." Part of me has never wanted to share my story because I am afraid people will "look down on me" or "feel sorry for me." But today, I've decided that God has called me to share my story, and the more I run from it, the closer He chases me toward it. Theres no getting around it. All I really care about and all that God cares about is that my message gives others hope. That yes, you can experience the darkest pit of depression and anxiety and still be redeemed into a life of joy, hope and peace. And yes, you also can make the mistake of having sex before marriage and be forgiven by Jesus and start all over again. These are two things I have experienced and that I'm sharing with you because I don't want you also to hide your pain of the past from the Lord. I don't want you to be afraid to share your story. Share it, and watch how much hope it brings to the world. 

When I was depressed, I was just plain hopeless. I reached the point of accepting that my life would never again be fulfilling, so it didn't matter what I did anyway with my life. I decided that somehow I would be able to find my answer to fulfillment in other people and things. I was determined to find that fulfillment in people and things. This is why I became involved with drinking in college, sex before marriage, and other things like that. I also had problems with anxiety that were pretty bad as well.

Today? Today I am a different person. I am the opposite of all that above. I am happy, joyful, fulfilled, pure, a new creation...all in Jesus alone. He satisfies me more than anything on this universe. 

"You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
 I will praise you with songs of joy. I lie awake thinking of you,
 meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper,
 I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings."

Psalm 63: 5-7

It was only 2 days ago when God brought this pain still lingering in my heart to the front stage. I already feel SO much better, and I can feel something beautiful starting in my relationship with Him that I never thought I would experience. I wish it didn't take me so long to figure out both admitting to Him my pain and also sharing my story is a beautiful thing.

I love you guys!

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Love always, Jess

change your thoughts and change your life: think God thoughts

The way that we each think highly corresponds with the joy that we each desire to play out into our individual lives. Our thoughts are beyond important, and they definitely determine our happiness. Many of you may think that it is your behavior that determines how happy you are, but I would argue against that and say that it is your thoughts that control your joy. If you aren't constantly thinking thoughts that are uplifting, encouraging, and joyful, then your behavior will reflect what you are thinking. God has certainly called me to talk about this topic, because I believe that there are many people out there who suffer from negative thinking patterns. These negative thinking patterns lead to depression and all other kinds of horrible problems. I'm here to tell you today that God is POSITIVE, not negative. If your living for Him, your joy will be so oblivious and apparent that others will not be able to help but notice you. God wants His children to stand out as lights in this world. Remember that.

God has been teaching me a lot lately about my own thoughts, and why many of them still need to be renewed. Once I became a Christian a couple years ago, my mind was in a dark place. I was addicted to wrong thinking about myself, others, and life in general. At that point in my life it was just plain overwhelming as to how dark my mind had become. Once God began to pursue me, He switched on a light in my mind that has grown bigger and bigger ever since that day. I have made tremendous progress, and I can tell you with 100% confidence today that my mind is in SUCH a better place. But my friends, progress takes time. There are still some areas of my mind that are dark and need renewal, as much as I don't want to believe it. God has put me in the perfect position this summer to own up to this wrong way of thinking that is still lingering in my mind, and He wants the problem to be fixed ASAP. He is willing to work with me as long as I am willing to work with Him.

On Wednesday night before my parents came into town for the 4th of July, I found myself out of no-where becoming very upset. I didn't understand where it was coming from, and I wanted it to stop. After laying down on the couch for awhile, I decided to catch up on some summer reading. As I was searching through my stash of books to read, I came across a book by Joyce Meyer that I have been in the process of reading for awhile. Joyce Meyer is one of my favorite Christian authors, mainly because everything that she talks and writes about is so relatable and inspiring. The book that I am reading is called "Battle Field of The Mind." I completely forgot that I had this book on hand, and I was about to find out that God was using this book to speak directly to me.

This book talks about how the enemy uses our minds as one of his main tools to get inside of our heads. There are so many people out there stuck in a rut with depression and are clueless as to why they feel this way about themselves. Well, its likely that their thoughts are controlling their actions, thus resulting in them living a life that feels meaningless and without hope. I realized after reading some of Joyce Meyer's book that the reason I had become so upset Wednesday night was because the thoughts that I was thinking that night were all lies, they were not of God or from God. I was not thinking in the mind of Christ. Our thoughts must match up with Gods word, or else we will never be victorious. 

"Satan will aggressively fight against the renewal of your mind, but it is vital that you press on and continue to pray and study in this area until you gain measurable victory."

-Joyce Meyer, Battlefield of the Mind

The more I fight back, the more it seems that the enemy fights even harder. From this point on, I am committing to owning up to every single negative thought that enters my mind. I am committing to casting away that negative thought as soon as it enters my mind, and replacing it with a positive thought. I am aware that sometimes I may get discouraged, because sometimes I feel that I am not making progress as quickly as I would want to. However it really helps me to think back on the past and how far I have come with thinking positive, and it motivates me to fight against the enemy's lies in my mind even harder. If you are in a dark place with your mind, don't give up. Begin to change today. Admit to God that this is something you need help with and want to change for yourself, and He will help you. Renewing your mind takes time, but I promise you that there is no place where your mind can be that is too much for God to handle. God can turn the darkest of situations into the brightest of joys. Even when we are faithless, He is faithful.

"We take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ."
2 Corinthians 10:5

I love you guys!

Love always, Jess

New beginnings: finally at my new house!

Hi blog friends!

How are you all doing? I am so happy to announce that I am FINALLY all moved into my new house! I absolutely love it, and I am so blessed to have been given the opportunity to live here with my awesome new roommates. Ashley moves in on the 7th, and Hannah moves in shortly after her. Hannah will be in and out for the whole summer, but Ashley will be here the whole time, so I am happy that I won't be a loner...haha. I am so excited! I won't lie to you guys, moving out of my apartment took FOREVER! In the past couple of years, I only had to move out of my sorority, which took like maybe an hour? This time around though, it took a lot more time than that!

Here is a little preview of my new home: 

AND just to clarify, just because I have officially moved in yet does not mean that I have also unpacked. Once I am done unpacking and setting up my room {hopefully by the end of this week, I have SO much stuff} I am going to take a lot more pictures of my lovely new home so you guys can check it out! In the meantime, be sure to follow me on instagram HERE to keep up with my adventures. I have already showed a little more of a sneak peak of my new place on there! :) fun stuff. Instagram is so much fun.

Here a few photos from the weekend {it was COOKIN outside, iced tea was a must! ...with sweet potato tater tots obviously :)}

 taylor, my brother and I:

Thank you Jesus for my lovely new home and every other thing you have blessed me with!

Love you guys!
Jess