When God changed my heart

Hey blog friends! How have you all been? I'm sorry I have been M.I.A. around here, I have just been taking some time to clear my thoughts and really listen to what the Lord is speaking to me through my life right now. I am so thankful because the Lord has truly changed my heart completely from the beginning of summer until now. So much has changed, and there is no better feeling in the world than falling in love with Jesus more and more every day. 

So uhhhh..what to talk about? As I sit here and pray for the Lord to give me wisdom and instruction, my mind is drawing a blank. I feel like I have so much to be thankful for with what the Lord is doing in my life, and I just want to praise Him all the time. It's a great feeling.

God revealed to me at the beginning of this summer that fear is something I struggle with a lot. My biggest fear is rejection, and this is because of some things that have happened with my old friends of the past. Along with rejection, my other big fears are simply for things to go wrong in my life. I either fear the worst of the worst happening, or I fear that just bad things will happen in my life in general. Whenever I think this way, my mind is in shambles, and suddenly God feels very distant. 

Although I have improved so much in this area of my walk with God since the beginning of the summer, I still struggle with it. It is getting better, but I am still weak. This summer has been such a humbling experience as I am reminded that the Lord truly holds every ounce of my strength. Without Him, I would lose every battle. Without Him, I wouldn't have any motivation left to keep going. 

Along with this situation being very humbling, I wont lie, it has been quite frustrating as well. Some days I just wish I was more far ahead in my transformation process. It is during these hard times that I hear the Lord speak gently into my heart: "Not yet Jessica, but soon. Trust me." God encourages my heart so much by helping me to recognize how far I have come. I realized today how uncomfortable I instantly become whenever my mind begins to shift into fearful thinking. At the beginning of the summer, I was so used to thinking that way that I didn't even realize there was anything wrong with my thinking pattern. However today, things are very different. In just 2 short months, the Lord has restored my mind and given me the strength to resist any thoughts that are not of Him. 

I think its easy for the each of us to focus more on how far we have left to go, instead of focusing on how far we have come in our walks with God. At least thats how it goes for me anyway. I should be praising God constantly for all that He's done in my life at this point, but instead I find it easier sometimes to complain and wish that He were working things out differently. How in my right mind could I look back on this past summer and NOT be full of praise through acknowledging the drastic changes the Lord has done with my heart?

 It's amazing that God loves the each of us enough to care about working on the little things within our lives. We don't have to be lying in a hospital bed in order for God to pay any attention to us. A lot of the time our biggest need for God simply comes from the lingering pain within our hearts. If God sees some kind of wall built up in my heart that is prohibiting me from experiencing His true character, He will do whatever necessary to break down that wall so I can know His love for me in full measure. I feel so loved knowing that God loved me enough to spend this entire summer working simply on my heart.  Thank you Jesus, I love you Lord.

"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

1 Samuel 16:7

In what ways has the Lord worked on your guys hearts this summer? Is it easy for you to fall into a routine of complaining to God instead of praising Him? In what ways do you think you can make an effort to start praising God more? 

Love always, Jess

Somethin' New: I'm no longer ashamed of my past

Hey guys!

Hey friends! Today marks my FIFTH post for the summer of something new blog challenge. For those of you don't know what this challenge is, it was set up by my wonderful blog friend Annaliese at Southern Belle in Training, and for this challenge Annaliese, Elle, Jenna,  Michaela, Gina and I will be sharing with you guys something new every Friday for 6 weeks! This week, I wanted to share with you guys both how this was the first summer that I decided not to run away from my past anymore. I had the courage to share my struggle in having sex before marriage and before knowing Jesus, and tomorrow I am going to share how I overcame depression and anxiety with Jesus. At the end of this post, I am going to share with you guys some pictures of my lovely new room!

This summer has been new in so many ways. I started volunteering at the humane society, and that has been so much fun. That has always been something I have wanted to but I have never gotten around to doing it. But mostly, this summer has been a huge change because I have had courage to talk about my past, and it is the most freeing feeling. I am no longer ashamed to share my struggle with having sex before marriage, because I see how much hope it gives other Christians who are in the same situation. In fact, I am going to talk a lot more about sex before marriage and how depressed it made me feel. I think its something that is not talked about enough, and that needs to be. Yesterdays post on sex before marriage was officially my most viewed post of all time, wow. Talk about crazy. I am thinking about making a video with my new Canon and sharing my struggle with sex. Also, as I mentioned above, tomorrow I am going to talk about how I overcame depression and anxiety with Jesus, because I know that depression is something that a lot of girls struggle with.

Talk about a "Summer Of Something New!" Friends! Have your summers been full of a lot of new experiences as well? If so, then share with me! I'd love to hear! What do you guys think of me doing videos about topics like sex and depression? Let me know! Now, below are pictures of my new room! Be sure to let me know what you think! :) I absolutely love my new place!

 Need to get around putting a photo in this frame ;)

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giving God my pain

To begin this post: berry picking pictures with Allison from the weekend!

I threw the ball for Marley, laughing to myself as I watched her run after it with such excitement and joy. She's the cutest Labrador ever. 

Then, out out of nowhere, I felt it.

That sinking feeling in my heart. That pain you can't put into words.

A wound from my past that had resurfaced totally out of the blue and un-expectantly from long ago.

I thought this wound was long gone, that somehow, Jesus had "made it disappear." 

But no, somehow, it was still there.

Although from the outside looking in, it may not seem like a big deal it all. After all, its just a situation involving a best friend of the past from high school who out of no where decided to act like I didn't exist one day. 

But, this situation caused me pain. It broke my heart. 

& since I never gave any of this pain to Jesus, it still lies there.

So since that day over the weekend, I have committed to healing this wound in my heart. I'm so tired of running for my past, and wanting to forget about everything that has happened to me. I have realized that is the worst thing I can do. No, Jesus doesn't want me to dwell in the past, but he certainly wants me to grow from it. In order to do that, I must give Him my pain, and choose not to be afraid. 

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor."

Isaiah 61:1-11

Part of me wants to move forward and forget my past, because I don't like thinking about it. I have often wondered why God put me through the things that He did, because I wanted Him to give me a "better story," or a more "cleaned up one." Part of me has never wanted to share my story because I am afraid people will "look down on me" or "feel sorry for me." But today, I've decided that God has called me to share my story, and the more I run from it, the closer He chases me toward it. Theres no getting around it. All I really care about and all that God cares about is that my message gives others hope. That yes, you can experience the darkest pit of depression and anxiety and still be redeemed into a life of joy, hope and peace. And yes, you also can make the mistake of having sex before marriage and be forgiven by Jesus and start all over again. These are two things I have experienced and that I'm sharing with you because I don't want you also to hide your pain of the past from the Lord. I don't want you to be afraid to share your story. Share it, and watch how much hope it brings to the world. 

When I was depressed, I was just plain hopeless. I reached the point of accepting that my life would never again be fulfilling, so it didn't matter what I did anyway with my life. I decided that somehow I would be able to find my answer to fulfillment in other people and things. I was determined to find that fulfillment in people and things. This is why I became involved with drinking in college, sex before marriage, and other things like that. I also had problems with anxiety that were pretty bad as well.

Today? Today I am a different person. I am the opposite of all that above. I am happy, joyful, fulfilled, pure, a new creation...all in Jesus alone. He satisfies me more than anything on this universe. 

"You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
 I will praise you with songs of joy. I lie awake thinking of you,
 meditating on you through the night. Because you are my helper,
 I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings."

Psalm 63: 5-7

It was only 2 days ago when God brought this pain still lingering in my heart to the front stage. I already feel SO much better, and I can feel something beautiful starting in my relationship with Him that I never thought I would experience. I wish it didn't take me so long to figure out both admitting to Him my pain and also sharing my story is a beautiful thing.

I love you guys!

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Love always, Jess

Summer of something new: DIY spray painted desk {so easy!}

Hey guys! I am so excited that today is officially post number 3 of the summer of something new blog challenge. For those of you don't know what this challenge is all about, it was set up by my wonderful blog friend Annaliese at Southern Belle in Training, and for this challenge Annaliese, Elle, Jenna,  Michaela, Gina and I will be committing to trying one new thing every week for 6 weeks and then sharing with you guys every Friday! I have seriously been having so much fun with this challenge, and I am so thankful that my wonderful friend Annaliese invited me in on this awesome opportunity!

This week, I challenged myself again to create another fun DIY project. I have been wanting to do this project for quite awhile, so I figured that this new blog challenge was the perfect opportunity for me to get it done. My parents brought down an old desk that was used by both my brother and I throughout elementary and high school. The cool thing about these desks are that they were given to my brother and I when we were young and they have all of our friends signatures on them from the past, so they are pretty special to my family and I. They are also big and perfect to use for my grad school program! I wasn't concerned about painting over the signatures from the past, I just liked the idea of using the same desk from my past as a child. It felt kinda vintage-y to me, and I liked that idea. Crazy how time flies.

After being inspired by so many different pins on Pinterest about spray painting furniture, I knew that my wood desk would be perfect to use for a spray paint DIY project. The different pins that I saw on Pinterest all said the same exact thing about using spray paint on furniture: that it would give me a much more professional look rather than using normal paint. I also knew that spray paint would be a lot easier and a lot less time consuming than using regular paint. I went with white colored spray paint. It was a hard decision though because they had so many other pretty color choices!

Heres what I used to begin with:

-Indoor/Outdoor Primer spray paint {Is primer necessary? YES! After doing plenty of research, primer is almost 95% necessary when spray painting furniture because it will give your piece that underlying seal it needs to last a long time in the future.}

-Indoor/Outdoor Gloss spray paint {I used a gloss sheen because I read the most positive reviews on it and it seemed to be the look that I was going for}

-A piece of furniture that you want to spray paint of course! Be sure that the type of spray paint you are using matches up with the piece of furniture you are spray painting. {For example, there are certain types of spray paint for wood, metal, etc.}

***I used the brand Krylon because it had good reviews. I wouldn't recommend using the cheap stuff because I read a lot of reviews about people who didn't use good brands of spray paint and ended up being disappointed.

Okay lets go! First, you need to prepare the area where you are spray painting accordingly. 

I painted my desk on the side of the street because I didn't want to make spray paint marks on my lawn. You can also put down tarp onto your painting surface if you are using a really nice piece of furniture that you don't want to scratch. My desk is old and already has a lot of scratches on it so I wasn't concerned about marking it up or anything like that.

I flipped my desk over and primed/painted the bottom section of it first because I didn't want to paint the top section first and then accidentally chip up the fresh paint on the top section as I was painting the bottom section.

Next, I started to use the primer product on my wood desk.

I then began to use the primer on my desk. I did it in a sweeping motion, with even strokes.

Be sure to spray paint your object 6-8 inches away so you do not get any dripping marks on your object. I did that a couple of times on the sides, but thankfully that was in the beginning so it was easy to cover up right away.

I recommend doing at least two layers of primer on the object that you are spray painting. Once I had completed my first layer of primer all over the bottom section of my desk, I let that first layer dry for about 15-20 minutes until I did my second layer of primer. I also made sure that I let my second layer of primer dry for 15-20 minutes after that as well.

After that, I whipped out my gloss spray paint and went to work!

I then spray painted two layers of my gloss spray paint all over the bottom section of my desk evenly in sweeping motions, again waiting 15-20 minutes between each of those two layers for the spray paint to dry.

After the bottom section of my desk was finished, I flipped my desk over and did the same exact thing to the top section of my desk. Two layers of primer all over the front section of my desk with 10-15 minutes of drying time in between each of the two layers, and then two layers of the gloss spray paint with 10-15 minutes of drying time in between each of those two layers as well.

DRUMROLL PLEASE....(not really)

......here is my final result! 

What do you guys think? I LOVE how my DIY mason jars go perfectly with my white desk now! Stay tuned my friends, this room isn't finished yet! ;) I have more fun DIY crafts on the way that I plan to complete! In the meantime, I hope that you all have a beautiful day full of Jesus's love! Love you all!

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Love always, Jess

A new blog challenge: Summer of Something New

Hey guys!

You may not know this, but this summer I am currently teaming up with one of my favorite bloggers, Annaliese at Southern Bell In Training, to do a new blog challenge! The challenge is called "Summer of Something New," and for this blog challenge Annaliese, Elle, Jenna,  Michaela and I will be committing to trying one new thing every week for 6 weeks and then sharing with you guys every Friday! I am looking forward to these upcoming Fridays for the next six weeks, woohoo! So friends, here we go! Here is the first official Friday post for this new blog challenge.

For those of you that don't know, this week I was at a camp called Washington Family Ranch. This camp is absolutely beautiful. There is a few huge water slides, a cliff jump, a rope course, and more fun things to do. What many of these fun things have in common is their altitude. Ha, in other words, they are not height friendly. They are made for those campers or leaders who are willing to take a leap of faith and face their fears.

At camp we are each challenged as leaders to "do things for our kids." We want to let our campers know that we are just as scared as they are to participate in certain events at camp. We also want to show our campers that just because we are scared doesn't mean that we are going to give up. Well for me particularly, I was terrified of the cliff jump. Last year at camp, I had even been too terrified to do the cliff jump. I felt like a failure, and that I had really let my kids down. This year, I came to camp with a better attitude. I came to camp knowing that the spirit in me was greater than my fears in this world. I knew that with the God of the universe behind me, I could do anything.

As soon as we got off the bus at camp this year, the camp announcer yelled out for two leader volunteers. Before I could even look around, my girls were already screaming at the camp announcer to "pick me!". The next thing I knew, the camp announcer had chosen me as one of the two leaders to go do the cliff jump in my clothes right then and there. As the camp announcer and I were walking over to the cliff jump together with the other volunteer leader, I couldn't believe that I was actually about to do the jump. I was freaking out on the inside, yet totally calm on the outside. I walked up to the cliff jump in complete peace. However, once I looked off into the water from the top of the jump, I was terrified. With a thought of 'here goes nothing,' the next thing I knew, I was jumping off the cliff into the water. 

It felt amazing. I couldn't believe I had finally done it as I gasped for air after falling into the water. There was no other way to explain why I was so calm as I walked up to do the cliff jump. I was at complete peace. You guys, this is crazy because I am legit TERRIFIED of heights. You hear me?! TERRIFIED. Although I was a bit nervous, the majority of me was totally okay with it, which was crazy. It was totally Jesus.

So thanks God, for giving me the courage to do the things I could never do on my own. Week one of the Summer of Something New blog challenge complete!

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xo Jess