When God changed my heart

Hey blog friends! How have you all been? I'm sorry I have been M.I.A. around here, I have just been taking some time to clear my thoughts and really listen to what the Lord is speaking to me through my life right now. I am so thankful because the Lord has truly changed my heart completely from the beginning of summer until now. So much has changed, and there is no better feeling in the world than falling in love with Jesus more and more every day. 

So uhhhh..what to talk about? As I sit here and pray for the Lord to give me wisdom and instruction, my mind is drawing a blank. I feel like I have so much to be thankful for with what the Lord is doing in my life, and I just want to praise Him all the time. It's a great feeling.

God revealed to me at the beginning of this summer that fear is something I struggle with a lot. My biggest fear is rejection, and this is because of some things that have happened with my old friends of the past. Along with rejection, my other big fears are simply for things to go wrong in my life. I either fear the worst of the worst happening, or I fear that just bad things will happen in my life in general. Whenever I think this way, my mind is in shambles, and suddenly God feels very distant. 

Although I have improved so much in this area of my walk with God since the beginning of the summer, I still struggle with it. It is getting better, but I am still weak. This summer has been such a humbling experience as I am reminded that the Lord truly holds every ounce of my strength. Without Him, I would lose every battle. Without Him, I wouldn't have any motivation left to keep going. 

Along with this situation being very humbling, I wont lie, it has been quite frustrating as well. Some days I just wish I was more far ahead in my transformation process. It is during these hard times that I hear the Lord speak gently into my heart: "Not yet Jessica, but soon. Trust me." God encourages my heart so much by helping me to recognize how far I have come. I realized today how uncomfortable I instantly become whenever my mind begins to shift into fearful thinking. At the beginning of the summer, I was so used to thinking that way that I didn't even realize there was anything wrong with my thinking pattern. However today, things are very different. In just 2 short months, the Lord has restored my mind and given me the strength to resist any thoughts that are not of Him. 

I think its easy for the each of us to focus more on how far we have left to go, instead of focusing on how far we have come in our walks with God. At least thats how it goes for me anyway. I should be praising God constantly for all that He's done in my life at this point, but instead I find it easier sometimes to complain and wish that He were working things out differently. How in my right mind could I look back on this past summer and NOT be full of praise through acknowledging the drastic changes the Lord has done with my heart?

 It's amazing that God loves the each of us enough to care about working on the little things within our lives. We don't have to be lying in a hospital bed in order for God to pay any attention to us. A lot of the time our biggest need for God simply comes from the lingering pain within our hearts. If God sees some kind of wall built up in my heart that is prohibiting me from experiencing His true character, He will do whatever necessary to break down that wall so I can know His love for me in full measure. I feel so loved knowing that God loved me enough to spend this entire summer working simply on my heart.  Thank you Jesus, I love you Lord.

"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

1 Samuel 16:7

In what ways has the Lord worked on your guys hearts this summer? Is it easy for you to fall into a routine of complaining to God instead of praising Him? In what ways do you think you can make an effort to start praising God more? 

Love always, Jess

VLOG! How God has changed me this summer

Hey friends! Today's vlog I'm sharing with you guys how mind-blowingly fast God has changed my heart this summer and taught me many wonderful things! I narrowed it down to three specific things to share with you all that the Lord has taught me. I think it's important to be vulnerable and also for me to share my past with the each of you wonderful friends. God has redeemed me from so much, and it would be a shame to keep any part of my journey with Him a secret. I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think! 

ps- thank you ALL for your wonderful comments on my post a couple days ago about my blogger burnout. I loved reading each one of them, and I felt so loved and encouraged by the each of you! **Some lovely guest poster's are coming your way soon on here..be on the lookout!**

Sorry this one is a little bit long, I didn't realize I was up to 10 minutes by the time I was finished! I tried to make it as un-boring as possible for you all :)  I laughed out loud as I heard that freakishly loud truck in the background in the middle of the video.

PS- Click HERE to like Forever Convinced on Facebook and click HERE to follow Jess on Instagram!

My summer of renewal

"Let me ask you something... if a man prayers for patience, do you think God gives him patience? or does He give him the opportunity to be patient? If a man prayers for courage, does God give him courage? or does He give him opportunities to be courageous?"

I find it interesting and also very amusing that God typically puts me in situations to develop patience where it is in-fact the HARDEST situation in itself to develop patience. He sees my struggle with my renewal process, and He gets me and He is for me and is cheering me on at the finish line. This summer has been unlike any other. Although from the outside looking in it may seem just like a typical summer where I haven't been in or school or anything like that, it has been so much more. I have been forced to look at all of the ugliness that lies with the sin lurking inside of me. I have said things to myself like: "If this was in my life right now, I would be SO much happier" along with: "If this was happening right now for me, things would be so much better." It has been hard for me to accept the reality of my summer, and thankfully God has brought this issue in my life front and center and has given me the grace to to work with getting this sinful behavior out of my mind.

At first I questioned God this summer and why He had placed me in the situation that I am in. I wondered why He hadn't really provided me with a summer job that kept me SUPER busy (instead of just my internship which is more laid back) or why I wasn't surrounded by a large group of people as I had wanted to (Instead of just my roommate Ashley and I for the summer). Don't get me wrong I have had a blast so far this summer with Ashley and I am so thankful that she is here with me, its just that her and I both often talk about how quiet it is during the summer time here.

As I thought more about my circumstances for the summer, I realized what God was doing. There have been issues with the way I think that God has addressed, one by one. It's like He is saying to every negative single thought that comes into my mind: "Woa, that is a thought NOT from me. Rebuke it and replace it with a thought that is from me." I knew that negative thinking was an issue for me, but I didn't think God would have wanted to "waste" time going over and renewing every itsy bitsy wrong thought that came into my mind.  I thought He would just want to ignore the issues with the way I think and instead place great things into my life, making it a piece of cake for me to think positive again. Turns out, God intentionally placed me into this summer of lacking many things I desire so He could direct me to focus on fixing my thoughts and renewing my mind. He wants to renew my mind first and teach me how to experience peace and joy in Him alone before He chooses to add on any additional blessings in my life or not.

This summer He really has also been teaching me the value that lies in friendship. I am a naturally socially person, and in the past I really took for granted the large group of friends that I had. I never appreciated them or thanked God for them, and instead had an prideful attitude about the whole thing and told myself that I had so many friends because I was pretty much the coolest human being on the planet (HA, not kidding!!) As I was falling asleep the other night, I prayed to God: "God, I'm sorry for taking advantage of so many of the wonderful friendships that you blessed me with in the past, forgive me. This summer has been a huge eye opener to what quietness and loneliness feels like. I miss having a large group of friends, and I pray that you would bless me with a large group of Godly friends in the future."

  Every now and then, God definitely gives me glimpses of my future. They are thoughts that fill me with joy and peace. It is in those moments that I remember our God is a God who never breaks His promises, and with following Him we can trust that good things are ahead, despite any opposition that we may face as we continue to move forward.

What has God been teaching you guys this summer? Have you noticed how He has specifically brought an issue in your life to the table for Him to fix or renew? What do you struggle with the most in the renewal process?

I love you guys!

Love always, Jess 

Something New: How blogging Has Changed My Life

To begin this post, here is a random picture of some of my Essie nail polish. I just bought the peach color and I'm obsessed! The peach color is tart deco, and the turquoise color is turquoise and caicos. I love Essie because it stays on forever and all of their colors are each so bright and pretty. 

This photo below is another random photo of some of the different makeup that I use.  Starting from the left is my Revlon ColorBurst Lip Butter in Strawberry Shortcake, my Sephora long-lasting liquid eyeliner in noir black, and my Loreal Voluminous Mascara in carbon black. The eyeliner never fades and stays on all day, the mascara always makes my eyelashes look super long and pretty, and the lipstick is not only is a pretty shade of pink but it also makes my lips feel smooth and it doesn't feel like I'm wearing lip stick at all!

Hey friends! Today marks my FOURTH post for the summer of something new blog challenge. For those of you don't know what this challenge is, it was set up by my wonderful blog friend Annaliese at Southern Belle in Training, and for this challenge Annaliese, Elle, Jenna,  Michaela, Gina and I will be sharing with you guys something new every Friday for 6 weeks! This week, I decided to switch it up from my normal crafts and DIY and share with you how starting a blog took courage and has challenged me beyond my limits. It's been a life-changing experience!

As I was scrolling through the blogging world today and reading many of your wonderful posts, I couldn't help but think to myself where my own blog has brought me. When I say where, I mean a place full of new friendships that I never imagined I would make. So many new friends leading me closer to Jesus and encouraging me to seek Him more and more. So many friends writing about their struggles in their walks with Christ that I could so easily relate with. So many women LIFTING my spirits, and filling me with joy.

I remember the exact moment of when I first decided to make my blog. Before that point, I had been talking with friends about how I was thinking about making a blog, but I didn't really know what to make it about. My first idea was to make a blog about healthy eating. I honestly didn't have enough passion though to make a blog like that, because although I am still very proud of myself for losing 50 pounds and keeping that weight off today, I really was never into the idea of making a blog only about that topic.

It was about 12:30 am on a Saturday night, and  I was scrolling through one of my favorite blogs, Bloom by Nicole. "Thats it!" I said to myself. "I HAVE to make a blog." I loved Nicole's openness in sharing her relationship with Jesus, and she so much reminded me of myself in a lot of ways through that aspect. 

I was so nervous when I started my blog. I didn't know anyone, and I didn't even know what the heck to write about. At first I would kind of flip flop and write about random things, and I was a little nervous to share my faith. I didn't think people would really be able to relate with my posts. I actually didn't even figure out how to add the "follower" button to my blog until a month and a half into making it. That really frustrated me because I had written a few posts up to that point that nobody was really reading. Once I found the follower button, I was happy but annoyed that it had taken me so long to figure out. 

Then amazing things happened. People would write posts that were exactly what I needed to read. God would speak right through them. I started to meet some new blog friends, and what was unique about these friendships was that I could tell that we clicked. No, I haven't met any of them in person (YET), but I just know that if we were able to meet in real life it would be full of laughs and pure happiness.

So friends, if your reading this and you are thinking about starting a blog but you haven't yet, DO IT! Or maybe your new to the blogging scene and you are frustrated or overwhelmed about getting it going: DON'T GIVE UP! I definitely cried a few times when I was trying to figure out how the heck to set up this blog up, it was SO confusing! But... I still did it. I persevered. It has been a true challenge with starting this blog up, but it has been totally worth every ounce of effort. I am challenged every day to write what is really on my heart and what I feel compelled to share with you guys. I still have a long way to go with building my blog, but I am so happy that I have made it this far. Blogging has definitely become a big part of my life, and I have been blessed beyond belief with becoming part of a community that I am unbelievably thankful for.

Here are my blogging besties whom I love dearly and pray for the opportunity to meet in real life one day!

Francesca at Beautiful Things

Katie at Hope Engaged

Annaliese at Southern Belle In Training

Gina at Gina Alyse

Hannah at Wonderfully Sewn

Julie at An Anchor For The Soul

Brittany at Happy Is a Choice

Cassie at Sage

Kiki at In Its Time

 Bailey at Anchored in Love Divine

Abigail at Abigail Jasmine

Lauren at Marked By Grace

Kellie at Nothing Less

...and I also happen to have a REAL-LIFE friend who started a blog at the same time I did, her name is Allison and she blogs at a A God Fashioned Life- Love her & her blog!

Thats them! Go look at their pages, I promise you'll love them just as much as I do. But seriously, go look. I love them all. I also recently have met some other wonderful ladies on here that I am looking forward to becoming better friends with as well. I pray very often that somehow someday I would be able to meet each one of these ladies in person one day! I really want to do a "blog meet up" or "blog trip" but I have no idea how to set it up, let alone how that would work with all of our crazy schedules. Oh well, if its in Gods will it will just somehow happen anyway! Until then, keep doing what you do blog besties, I love you all!

Ps- My blog's Facebook page is could use some love from you guys! Click HERE to like Forever Convinced on Facebook!

PPS-  I also love Instagram and I'd love for you to follow my Instagram adventures by clicking HERE!

Love always, Jess

When thanking God is hard: I complain too much.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

a photo I took on a hike earlier this week...Gods country :)

Lately I feel that this summer is going by slower than ever. I am keeping myself as busy as I can, but some  many days feel just that they draaaaaag along. I think the only reason I feel this way is because I just want it to be Fall already, which sounds crazy because that means school...but honestly I am really excited for the Fall and also to begin graduate school. Yeah, call me a nerd, I'm proud of it! ;). I just can't believe that I will have my own class of students. I am so much looking forward to teaching at my University. Anyway though, the main thing that I don't like about this summer is how flexible my schedule is. It honestly scares me how much more free time I have than usual to do things, because I like being busy.

The hardest part for me this summer has been with just learning to thank God continually in this season of my life. Right now, because of my circumstances, I want to do anything but thank God. It sounds horrible, but it is the honest truth and I'm just a sinner saved by grace. God has done so much for me, yet I am just like those stubborn Israelites who kept complaining to God time after time, even though He was always faithful to them and provided their every need. I find myself coming to God with a complaining heart, asking him "what the heck He's doing" and basically just wanting things to be going differently in my life. Deep down I know this a sin and I should be coming to Him with a thankful heart. My list of complaints to God is pathetic and I'm asking God to forgive me right now. Lord, please help me to come to you continually with a thankful heart, instead of a stubborn one. Forgive me for doubting you in so many ways this summer and being such a complainer. Help me to always be thankful, no matter what is going on around me.

 I wish I could just learn to be present in the moment, but I feel like sometimes I don't know how to do that or maybe I am just really bad at it. My mind tends to race ahead into the future a lot of the time. Maybe God has placed me in this situation for the summer so I'll learn how to focus on Him and be in the moment a lot more. Last weekend was a real struggle for me because I felt like I had to intentionally plan out things to do with others to keep myself busy. I guess I am just not used to that kind of lifestyle. I am used to having an automatic busy schedule right in front of me, and then going from there. I feel the weekend is when the enemy really gets in my head and reminds me that I'm still single and "how much better it would be to have a boyfriend with me right now." I definitely have really been missing and desiring for my future man to be with me this summer during the nights on these summer weekends where I have been alone. I've honestly have become pretty upset about it, and I have cried a few times. (Especially when the biggest spider I have ever seen crawled into my house the other night, I needed male assistance ASAP!) Maybe this weekend will be the perfect time for me to write my future husband a couple of those letters that I was talking to you guys about doing. This is just a phase of life I'm in, and I have to remind myself that good things are ahead.

 So, to end this post, thanks Jesus. Thank you for giving me so much extra time this summer to understand more of the woman God created me to be, and to pursue deeper friendships with others. Thank you for my wonderful family, my beautiful home, the opportunity to go to graduate school, the new friendships I have made this year, and much more.

Are you guys in a situation right now this summer where your really struggling with being patient as well? Are you wishing things to be going differently in your life? Having those lonely single nights? Join me, with a pint of Ben and Jerry's and the entire season of the Bachelorette...Just kidding. But seriously though, I love hearing what you guys have to say on this topic of patience! Its encouraging to read every single comment that I receive from the each of you.

We just gotta keep trusting God that He is ALWAYS good and that wonderful things are ahead! He never breaks His promises, remember that.

Love always, 

Jess

Ps- My blog's Facebook page is could use some love from you guys! Click HERE to like Forever Convinced on Facebook!

working for a relationship with God

Here is a picture to begin this post that I took via Instagram yesterday from my new home. God's beautiful sunset. I was amazed by His beauty. It was the perfect way to end to my day. Click here to follow my Instagram adventures!

Work. Work is something we are all familiar with, whether we have a real-life full time job or are a college student. Work can be down-right tiring, and sometimes we find ourselves in circumstances with work where we just want to give up. I can assure you that there were about a million times where I doubted that I would actually graduate college in 4 years. I was so overwhelmed with my circumstances, but at the same time I was determined not give up. Thankfully I am here today to tell you that I thankfully did graduate college in 4 years, and my diploma is in my room right behind me. {PHEW!} I start graduate school in the fall, and as excited as I am about this new experience, I know that it will be a whole new level of work that I will be challenged with. 

Lately, I have been realizing that my relationship with Jesus takes work. It's kind of like a full time job, that is worth every single itsy bitsy penny. My relationship with Jesus is my life, my everything. I'm not just writing this to you all to make myself look like that "perfect Christian," its simply the truth. Jesus is my all, and sometimes I find myself becoming frustrated with the circumstances that I face in maintaining my relationship with Him. Sometimes, I get distracted by whats around me. Sometimes, the greatest enemy I have against Jesus is my own selfish self. "But you could be working on that project right now, instead of spending time with Jesus!" "Spending time with God doesn't REALLY matter, its not like God will love you any less if you don't spend quiet time with Him!" These are some of the thoughts that run through my head a lot of the time. I am learning these are the thoughts I have to fight against, no matter how hard I have to fight. 

I came across a short passage in Jesus Calling that I felt really related to this topic:

"Be willing to fight for this precious time with me. Opposition comes in many forms: your own desire to linger in bed; the evil ones determination to distract you from me, the pressure of family, friends, and your own inner critic to spend time more productively. As you grow in your desire to please Me above all else, you gain strength to resist these opponents."

Maybe your wondering why I am so determined to fight against my own thoughts and spend time with the Lord. Maybe your thinking to yourself: "But its true, God won't love me any less if I don't spend time with Him!" Yes, that is true, but I have learned that our God is a God of relationship. This means that yes He will always love us unconditionally, but if we are not working to maintain our relationship with him and get to know Him better through spending time with Him, we will begin to feel unloved. God will begin to feel distant. It's like when a girl tells her boyfriend she doesn't want to date him anymore. Although he accepts that she wants this to happen between them, he still loves her. He wants to be with her, but since he loves her and wants her to be free to make her own decisions, he lets her go. Their relationship ends and the girl begins to forget everything the two of them ever had, even though the boy is still in love with her.

I am determined to just focus on resting with the Lord this summer, whatever that may take. I am far from perfect, and I know this will take work, but I am looking forward to the journey ahead of me. I have experienced some circumstances this summer where quite frankly I felt like I was in a war zone just getting away from the loudness to spend time with Jesus. Now as I venture off into a more quiet time during my summer, I want to really to to know God on a whole different level.

I love you guys! I hope you have a beautiful day!

Love always, Jess

A new blog challenge: Summer of Something New

Hey guys!

You may not know this, but this summer I am currently teaming up with one of my favorite bloggers, Annaliese at Southern Bell In Training, to do a new blog challenge! The challenge is called "Summer of Something New," and for this blog challenge Annaliese, Elle, Jenna,  Michaela and I will be committing to trying one new thing every week for 6 weeks and then sharing with you guys every Friday! I am looking forward to these upcoming Fridays for the next six weeks, woohoo! So friends, here we go! Here is the first official Friday post for this new blog challenge.

For those of you that don't know, this week I was at a camp called Washington Family Ranch. This camp is absolutely beautiful. There is a few huge water slides, a cliff jump, a rope course, and more fun things to do. What many of these fun things have in common is their altitude. Ha, in other words, they are not height friendly. They are made for those campers or leaders who are willing to take a leap of faith and face their fears.

At camp we are each challenged as leaders to "do things for our kids." We want to let our campers know that we are just as scared as they are to participate in certain events at camp. We also want to show our campers that just because we are scared doesn't mean that we are going to give up. Well for me particularly, I was terrified of the cliff jump. Last year at camp, I had even been too terrified to do the cliff jump. I felt like a failure, and that I had really let my kids down. This year, I came to camp with a better attitude. I came to camp knowing that the spirit in me was greater than my fears in this world. I knew that with the God of the universe behind me, I could do anything.

As soon as we got off the bus at camp this year, the camp announcer yelled out for two leader volunteers. Before I could even look around, my girls were already screaming at the camp announcer to "pick me!". The next thing I knew, the camp announcer had chosen me as one of the two leaders to go do the cliff jump in my clothes right then and there. As the camp announcer and I were walking over to the cliff jump together with the other volunteer leader, I couldn't believe that I was actually about to do the jump. I was freaking out on the inside, yet totally calm on the outside. I walked up to the cliff jump in complete peace. However, once I looked off into the water from the top of the jump, I was terrified. With a thought of 'here goes nothing,' the next thing I knew, I was jumping off the cliff into the water. 

It felt amazing. I couldn't believe I had finally done it as I gasped for air after falling into the water. There was no other way to explain why I was so calm as I walked up to do the cliff jump. I was at complete peace. You guys, this is crazy because I am legit TERRIFIED of heights. You hear me?! TERRIFIED. Although I was a bit nervous, the majority of me was totally okay with it, which was crazy. It was totally Jesus.

So thanks God, for giving me the courage to do the things I could never do on my own. Week one of the Summer of Something New blog challenge complete!

ps- as we all know, google reader goes BYE-BYE in just a couple of days. For all of you who still want to read my blog, Click HERE to follow me on blog lovin so you can still read my blog friends :)

xo Jess