Saturday, May 25, 2013

doubting God

"Be strong. Take courage. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t give them a second thought because God, your God, is striding ahead of you. He’s right there with you. He won’t let you down; he won’t leave you.”
Deuteronomy 31:6

I didn't plan on writing this post, but I'm doing it anyway. Wildcard, baby! ;).  I am so sick of letting fear steal my day to day joy right now in my life. I am tired of giving the enemy the opportunity to invade my thoughts, and tell me lies about myself that are not true. Lately, my biggest fear is not knowing where I am going to live this summer or even next year. I have prayed about it so much, and given God complete control, as every other area of my life. Yet God has been silent. I have gone through a lot of tears since all of this started. I've wavered in my faith and doubted God a million times. I just don't understand why God is so silent right now, and I desperately just wish He would give me an answer. It seems that all the Lord is telling me to do right now is just to "wait." This is so hard for me to do, because I want to have a plan, and right now I don't have one. I know the Lord wants me here because I was finally accepted into graduate school, but why does He keep closing one door after the other on living opportunities? I just don't get it, and I wish the Lord would stop being silent. I find myself at random moments throughout the day freaking out because the clock is ticking, and God still hasn't answered my urgent prayer. What exactly are you doing God? I once heard you were a God of last-minute timing, and it seems that this truth about you is being played out in my life right now VERY evidently. Please God, please answer my prayer. I trust you, but I am weak. I hope that God uses this experience to strengthen my heart, and too be less faithless in Him as I have been lately.

Less of me, more of Him.


  1. I'll be praying for you girl! I don't know if you have been reading She Reads Truth but a couple days ago it was talking about Nehemiah and rebuilding the wall. "I am doing a great work and will not come down." Nehemiah 6:3. The unknown is terrifying, trust me, I'm right with you on that one! (bible college-eek!) But be still and know that it is when you are doing an amazing thing for the Lord is when the Enemy will want to test you and bring you down the most. Sit tight my friend! The Lord has an amazing plan for you! You are doing a great work, DON'T COME DOWN!

  2. I'll be keeping you in my prayers!! I just went through this same thing. I didn't know where I was staying or what I would be doing all summer until the last minute. Many of times I ended up in tears of frustration. The waiting can be tough and stretch us to our limits, but God has such a great plan in store!! It's in these moments when the Enemy likes to knock us down, but it is also during these times when we must truly rely on His strength. He will not let you fall!!! I have no doubt He has something great in store for you!!

  3. Girl I know the feeling! Sometimes God is silent. But i've been learning that faith and trust are the most real when things don't seem to be going our way. But we still trust God to work it out! Praying for you right now!! love Katie

  4. Oh my goodness it's crazy how we seem to be struggling with the same thing! Praying for you sweet girl! It's so hard when you can't see what's ahead and why God does what he does. I'm struggling with that too right now. I feel like I'm just waiting and waiting for God to tell me what the next step is and He's staying silent. This season is definitely teaching me to trust Him more and really wait on His timing. Also.. I seriously love that picture and scripture. Be encouraged friend! You are not alone. And although He remains silent, He is working things out for YOUR good! You will be amazed at His goodness when the time comes!! Xoxo

  5. Lamentations 3:25
    Love and Blessings!!!!!!!!!!

  6. I can so relate to this...know you're not alone! God is sometimes the god of the eleventh hour, which can be a true test of our faith. But though He is seldom early, He is never late.
    And the, "Less of me, more of Him"--AMEN & AMEN.
    I'll be praying--hang in there!

  7. Fear makes me not wanna do alot. Esp now since my past is full of bad things and bad relationships. i'm scared It'll happen all over again.

  8. Oh, friend! I feel you! I'm in that post-college-grad-what-do-I-do-next? situation and have so many hard moments when I just don't know what I'm supposed to do next and I have found myself crying out to Him for an answer. I have had my fair share of tears, doubt, and waiting worries, trust me! :) So yes, patience and waiting for God is hard, hard, hard. Hang in there, friend!

    And I want you to know that I'm praying for you, too. Praying for comfort in Him, praying that your housing situation will be cleared up, and praying that He would take all your worries from you so you can finish up college strong.

    p.s. Can I just say what an amazing ending that was to your post? You are SO filled with grace and trust. Seriously, it's inspiring!

  9. Right where you are are not alone! God will provide and He will get us there!

    Love your prayers of crying out...God hears them and He is near, sister!!

  10. This post is awesome Jess! So real and honest and open. One of my friends is in a similar situation to yours. He is also waiting on the Lord for an answer. At this point, he's not even sure where he wants to go to college yet. So many things were messed up with his applications that he's still waiting on acceptance letters when everyone else he knows is secure about their future, college-wise.

    It's a tough spot to be in, but I just try to remember and remind him that the Lord still provides, even when it seems that He's silent. He already has a plan in mind specifically for you, that will be better than anything any of us could ever have imagined. :)