Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Let me be honest with you...

I just want to take a hold of it and let it rule my life, but I can't.

My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.

I want to do some things in my life that the Lord has clearly called me to do, but I'm downright scared.
I'm full of doubt and disbelief.

This post may come as a shock to you, because often I seem like that spot-on Christian who has it all together. But I'm not. I'm far from perfect. I struggle. I doubt the Lord. I don't believe Him. I tell myself my will is better than His. I often want MORE. The millions of blessings that the Lord has placed in my life just aren't enough sometimes. What is wrong with me?

I focus on my circumstances, instead of trusting Him to provide.

I let fear creep in and take the wheel.

I don't fight back, and I give the enemy the key to take over.

"It would be ridiculous for God to expect us to do something and not give us the ability to believe that we can do it."
-Joyce Meyer, Battlefield of the mind

God warned me that life as a Christian would be rough, and this week is just one of those weeks where that roughness is being played out. The Lord has recently called me to do something that I am really scared to do, in fact, I am looking for every reason possible NOT to do it.

It's one of those things that when looking at it from an outside perspective, you would probably think that its really no big deal at all. However its clear that God is revealing this area of weakness in my faith and simply expects that I obey Him.
I know that my willingness to obey whatever the Lord has called me to do is the key to being content, so I really have no choice but to trust Him in all that He asks me to do. However, I am so weak. I waver in my faith constantly, reasoning with God and convincing myself that what He has called me to do isn't ACTUALLY just that. This is the part where I take the comfortable way out of the situation, refusing to face the fear in front of me.

God, I don't want to be a "comfortable" Christian anymore. I want to be courageous.

give me boldness in your name to do everything you have called me to do.


  1. I feel like this often as well. My "Doubt" post seems really similar to what you're saying here, but takes a bit of an approach you might find helpful.

  2. i love your bold prayer! the Lord has big plans for you. i just know it!

  3. No one is the perfect "spot-on" Christian, no one. There was only one perfect being, there will never be another. So don't give up my friend, He never puts anything on us that we can't handle. He knows what is best!