Tuesday, September 3, 2013

My fear of being alone

Hey friends! How are the each of you doing? I am enjoying my last days of summer until I begin training for graduate school in a couple of weeks.

Today I woke up and began thinking about this blog of mine that I love so much. I love how I have grown through my relationship with God by making this blog and writing out different posts. I don't know why though, but for some reason lately I haven't had much of a desire to write posts for my blog. It's been driving me crazy that I've been feeling this way, so today I decided today to ask the Lord to reignite the flame in my heart to start writing blog posts again. So here I am now, writing a post to my lovely blog friends and updating y'all on my life. 

A couple of weeks ago, I found out that I was going to be alone in my new house for about a month until school started. This initially made me very upset, because I was so used to having at least one of my roommates around.  I was angry at God when this news came, and I selfishly questioned why He would want me to be alone. "Why are you DOING this to me God?!" "Don't you want me to be around other Christians?!" Although I did have a big community of other Christians in town who I could hang out with for the remainder of the summer, I felt that it was more important for me to at least be living with other people. I didn't want to be by myself, and I didn't understand why God, who knew me better than anyone else, would want me to be living by myself for the remainder of the summer. 

Up until the very moment where I was officially alone in our house, I was scared to death of what it would feel like to be alone. God had given me the clear answer in my heart by letting me know that He indeed did want me to stay where I was for the rest of the summer, but what I wanted to know was WHY  He wanted me to be all by myself. I didn't understand what God was doing, so I did what I guess any normal human being would do: worry. What would I do by myself? Was God doing this to me because He was mad at me? I was an emotional wreck and my mind was all over the place, and I wasn't giving God any chance whatsoever to let in His perspective on the situation.

When I was finally alone and living by myself, at first I felt very uncomfortable, and also pretty lonely. I didn't like not having someone to talk to when I came home at random times throughout the day, or having someone to watch TV with. But as time went on, I was beginning to notice that I really didn't feel alone, even though technically I was. During this whole period of living by myself, I've felt as if God has been right next to me the entire time, talking with me and laughing with me all throughout the day (yes, God certainly does have a sense of humor! After all, He created humor!). I don't feel alone at all, and I have no doubt that I am exactly where God wants me to be. Instead of feeling lonely as I feared I would, I have only felt God cover me with His love, joy, and peace the entire time.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you."
Deuteronomy 31:8 

 Although I am looking forward to having my roommates back here with me in my house soon, I am thankful that God allowed for me to live alone for a period of time. I learned so much more about who God truly is through this experience. It doesn't matter if I'm by myself or with a million people, as long as I reflect on the truth that God is with me, all my fears wash away. I can either waste my time worrying about the future, or instead  choose to keep my focus set on God and His presence that is always with me. 

I am thankful for God's grace, because I needed a heck of a lot of it to get to where I am now. I wasted a lot of time complaining to God about my circumstances, when instead I should have been praising Him for all that He has blessed me with. I also wasted a lot of time worrying about the future, when I really had nothing to worry about all along. God truly is the best teacher, and I love the fact that I am able to come into His presence every day and seek to know Him more intimately. 

Love always, Jess 


  1. This post really blessed me, so I am happy that your passion has been reignited. I struggle with being single and lonely every now and then, but I am really finding happiness in my alone time, and things that worked out the way they did in my life are starting to make more and more sense as God reveals them to me.
    Britt @ One&20

  2. I absolutely love your desire and passion for Jesus :)

  3. I enjoy reading your blog and your passion and faith and love in Christ is quite amazing

  4. I have always had a fear of being alone as well, although ironically this is something that I don't really vocalize to a lot of people. This summer I felt very alone since I worked a lot of hours, and they were opposite hours of when my few friends left from high school worked. I was also in a weird position socially with the fact that I was transferring. After reading this I wish now that I'd had a better attitude about my situation this summer! Thank-you for sharing!

    xoxo A

  5. I understand about needing God to reignite that fire with blogging.....and isn't it amazing when we get it back? We come back with a vengeance!

    Been praying for you, my friend <3

  6. So thankful for your heart and your sweet honesty, friend :) I struggle with this as well. Love you!!!

  7. Such a great post!! I was nodding along the whole time I was reading. I may soon find myself in a similar position where I have to live by myself for a month or so before my roommate is able to move in.

  8. I just came across your blog for the first time today, and I've been reading through a bunch of your posts! Ironically, my first time getting a little experience of living alone came when I first got married--my husband worked long night shifts, so he was gone from 6pm-8am, and he also did some traveling for work when we were first married. That night shift lasted for a year and a half, and I learned a lot about prayer and choosing not to fear, not to pity myself for being all alone, but rejoice instead during those times!
    Still, I appreciated it when I didn't have to sleep in an empty house any more!

  9. Girl, I love that you just put your feelings out there and trust God! I'm So like you, in that I used to hate being alone! When I lived in Thailand, I had to live alone for the first time ever, and it freaked me out! But the Lord totally redeemed it and brought me so close to him! Love that you felt comforted by him!!! Love ya, Katie

  10. My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been hell of a struggle, but i decide to do all means to make sure that my family come back together as it use to,i was surfing online when i found out about drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail.com and i must confess that since i contacted Dr Lawrence my marriage has been healed and i am once again a happy woman