I'm going to be a teacher...what?!

To begin this post and to get you all even more excited for this new season of Fall, here is a picture of literally my favorite candle right now! I have had this thing burning like crazy, YUM! :) (I love all things pumpkin).

Goodness gracious my blog friends. How are the all of you doing?! I am so sorry I have been absent for so long, but now that graduate school orientation has started my life has suddenly become a lot busier. But don't you worry, this blog has a special place in my heart and I still plan to blog as often as I can even in the midst of my newly hectic life. 
I can't even describe to you how much of a blessing it is to be preparing for teaching my college students next week. It truly doesn't even feel real that it's actually going to happen. Soon enough I'll actually be a real life teacher, and I will also eventually have to speak in front of a mess lecture of over 300 students. My nerves are going crazy just imagining what is in store for me throughout this next year, but I know that it will be good for me to venture out of my comfort zone and rely on God's strength even more. 
One of my best friends, Julia who blogs over at Living Through His Lens, is in the same graduate program that I am in! It is a huge blessing. She told me she had been praying for some graduate students to come into the program who loved Jesus, and I guess God answered her prayers! :) I can't tell you how nice it is to end a long day of school and have a Christian friend right there by your side to talk with about what God is doing in your life and how powerful He is. I am so thankful for that, and all I can do is simply praise the Lord for His goodness to me.  Jules is newly engaged, and her ring is absolutely beautiful! Her fiance is perfect for her, and their love story is a true testimony to God's faithfulness. Head on over to her blog to read more about her engagement story. :) Below: Jules and I on our first day of orientation for graduate teaching together!

Many people keep asking me if I'm nervous for whats ahead for me this year. They have good reason to ask this question, because throughout the next year I will have to begin writing my thesis, learn how to become a real-life teacher and plan out my lectures, maintain my status as a graduate student by getting A's and B's in all of my classes, and even attempt to speak in front of over 300 people one or two times. Whenever I am asked this question, I immediately feel comfort instead of fear. Sure I am scared to do a lot of the things that I will have to do this year, but I know that having courage isn't the absence of fear. The fear will be there, but when I choose to turn to Jesus instead of what I'm afraid of, I will be more than a conqueror.  I am reminded that this program I am in was given to me directly through the hands of God, and I don't have to rely on one ounce of my strength to get through it. I trust that God sincerely wanted me in this program, and I have no doubt that He is going to give me the strength to get through the entire thing, along with the happiness and joy of enjoying every moment of it. 
"The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise Him, my father's God, and I will exalt Him.  Exodus 15:2

My fear of being alone

Hey friends! How are the each of you doing? I am enjoying my last days of summer until I begin training for graduate school in a couple of weeks.

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Today I woke up and began thinking about this blog of mine that I love so much. I love how I have grown through my relationship with God by making this blog and writing out different posts. I don't know why though, but for some reason lately I haven't had much of a desire to write posts for my blog. It's been driving me crazy that I've been feeling this way, so today I decided today to ask the Lord to reignite the flame in my heart to start writing blog posts again. So here I am now, writing a post to my lovely blog friends and updating y'all on my life. 

A couple of weeks ago, I found out that I was going to be alone in my new house for about a month until school started. This initially made me very upset, because I was so used to having at least one of my roommates around.  I was angry at God when this news came, and I selfishly questioned why He would want me to be alone. "Why are you DOING this to me God?!" "Don't you want me to be around other Christians?!" Although I did have a big community of other Christians in town who I could hang out with for the remainder of the summer, I felt that it was more important for me to at least be living with other people. I didn't want to be by myself, and I didn't understand why God, who knew me better than anyone else, would want me to be living by myself for the remainder of the summer. 

Up until the very moment where I was officially alone in our house, I was scared to death of what it would feel like to be alone. God had given me the clear answer in my heart by letting me know that He indeed did want me to stay where I was for the rest of the summer, but what I wanted to know was WHY  He wanted me to be all by myself. I didn't understand what God was doing, so I did what I guess any normal human being would do: worry. What would I do by myself? Was God doing this to me because He was mad at me? I was an emotional wreck and my mind was all over the place, and I wasn't giving God any chance whatsoever to let in His perspective on the situation.

When I was finally alone and living by myself, at first I felt very uncomfortable, and also pretty lonely. I didn't like not having someone to talk to when I came home at random times throughout the day, or having someone to watch TV with. But as time went on, I was beginning to notice that I really didn't feel alone, even though technically I was. During this whole period of living by myself, I've felt as if God has been right next to me the entire time, talking with me and laughing with me all throughout the day (yes, God certainly does have a sense of humor! After all, He created humor!). I don't feel alone at all, and I have no doubt that I am exactly where God wants me to be. Instead of feeling lonely as I feared I would, I have only felt God cover me with His love, joy, and peace the entire time.

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you."

Deuteronomy 31:8 

 Although I am looking forward to having my roommates back here with me in my house soon, I am thankful that God allowed for me to live alone for a period of time. I learned so much more about who God truly is through this experience. It doesn't matter if I'm by myself or with a million people, as long as I reflect on the truth that God is with me, all my fears wash away. I can either waste my time worrying about the future, or instead  choose to keep my focus set on God and His presence that is always with me. 

I am thankful for God's grace, because I needed a heck of a lot of it to get to where I am now. I wasted a lot of time complaining to God about my circumstances, when instead I should have been praising Him for all that He has blessed me with. I also wasted a lot of time worrying about the future, when I really had nothing to worry about all along. God truly is the best teacher, and I love the fact that I am able to come into His presence every day and seek to know Him more intimately. 

Love always, Jess 

update: Hi friends I'm alive!

Hi there my lovely blog friends! How are the each of you doing? I am so sorry I have seriously been slacking lately in my blog posts, life around here has continued to become surprisingly busy. I sent my big brother off to Spain yesterday to teach English there for the next 9 months. It was sad to see him go, but I am so excited for the plans God has for his future there. I am also hoping that my family and I will be able to visit him during his time there. 

Here are some fun pictures to update you on my life lately. These pictures are from my instagram account, click HERE to follow me on instagram! holler :)

 Above: dropping my brother off at the airport before he left for spain! 

Below: my new pink converse sneakers that I'm in love with obviously! I like pink...what? Since when? ;)

Today I spent some quiet time with the Lord that was really amazing. I felt the Lord gently nudging my heart and preparing me for whatever my future holds. I am nervous about starting graduate school and becoming a teacher, but also very excited at the same time. It has helped me an incredible amount by reminding myself that I can always lean on God and give all my fears and worries up to Him as I enter a new phase in life. 

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you."

1 Peter 5:7

I wish giving all my worries and cares to God was a piece of cake, but the truth is that a lot of the time its just plain hard. I want to hold onto whatever is bothering me, and I want to find an answer for my fears on my own. As time goes on and my fears gradually begin to consume me more and more, I sense God calling me back to Him and reminding me that I was never supposed to hold onto any of my fears in the first place. 

I have began praying that the Lord would equip me with the proper mindset that I need to have going in to graduate school. It's very hard for me to to give up all my fears and worries that I REALLY want to hold onto in the midst of my schoolwork and my other working habits. I decided that this year, I don't want this to happen. I don't want to live my life in a way that God never intended for me to, surrounded by fear and worry. I'm tired of living my life that way, and my life is always so much more peaceful when I give up every single little fear up my father who knows me best.

I don't even know how I am go to give up every single fear to God, but I know that if I have the God of the universe behind my plans and dreams, the I can certainly expect wonderful things ahead for my future. Yes, this will likely be a season of pruning for me, as God continues to build and stretch my faith and teach me more about who He really is. I know that it is my responsibility as God's child to pray often about whatever is on my heart, and also seek His wisdom above everything else. It makes me nervous just thinking about the kinds of new experiences that are just around the corner for me, but with God as my anchor, I know that I can be prepared no matter what is ahead for me. 

So dad, lets do this. I trust that you want me to surrender every ounce of my fears into your hands. I'm tired of living my life burdened by what is making me fearful of tomorrow. Please Jesus, help me surrender any type of fear to you in my walk with you and begin to make this a habit in my walk with you. Help me to let go of whatever is holding me down.  Please properly eqiup me with whatever mindset or attitude I will need going into graduate school. 

When God changed my heart

Hey blog friends! How have you all been? I'm sorry I have been M.I.A. around here, I have just been taking some time to clear my thoughts and really listen to what the Lord is speaking to me through my life right now. I am so thankful because the Lord has truly changed my heart completely from the beginning of summer until now. So much has changed, and there is no better feeling in the world than falling in love with Jesus more and more every day. 

So uhhhh..what to talk about? As I sit here and pray for the Lord to give me wisdom and instruction, my mind is drawing a blank. I feel like I have so much to be thankful for with what the Lord is doing in my life, and I just want to praise Him all the time. It's a great feeling.

God revealed to me at the beginning of this summer that fear is something I struggle with a lot. My biggest fear is rejection, and this is because of some things that have happened with my old friends of the past. Along with rejection, my other big fears are simply for things to go wrong in my life. I either fear the worst of the worst happening, or I fear that just bad things will happen in my life in general. Whenever I think this way, my mind is in shambles, and suddenly God feels very distant. 

Although I have improved so much in this area of my walk with God since the beginning of the summer, I still struggle with it. It is getting better, but I am still weak. This summer has been such a humbling experience as I am reminded that the Lord truly holds every ounce of my strength. Without Him, I would lose every battle. Without Him, I wouldn't have any motivation left to keep going. 

Along with this situation being very humbling, I wont lie, it has been quite frustrating as well. Some days I just wish I was more far ahead in my transformation process. It is during these hard times that I hear the Lord speak gently into my heart: "Not yet Jessica, but soon. Trust me." God encourages my heart so much by helping me to recognize how far I have come. I realized today how uncomfortable I instantly become whenever my mind begins to shift into fearful thinking. At the beginning of the summer, I was so used to thinking that way that I didn't even realize there was anything wrong with my thinking pattern. However today, things are very different. In just 2 short months, the Lord has restored my mind and given me the strength to resist any thoughts that are not of Him. 

I think its easy for the each of us to focus more on how far we have left to go, instead of focusing on how far we have come in our walks with God. At least thats how it goes for me anyway. I should be praising God constantly for all that He's done in my life at this point, but instead I find it easier sometimes to complain and wish that He were working things out differently. How in my right mind could I look back on this past summer and NOT be full of praise through acknowledging the drastic changes the Lord has done with my heart?

 It's amazing that God loves the each of us enough to care about working on the little things within our lives. We don't have to be lying in a hospital bed in order for God to pay any attention to us. A lot of the time our biggest need for God simply comes from the lingering pain within our hearts. If God sees some kind of wall built up in my heart that is prohibiting me from experiencing His true character, He will do whatever necessary to break down that wall so I can know His love for me in full measure. I feel so loved knowing that God loved me enough to spend this entire summer working simply on my heart.  Thank you Jesus, I love you Lord.

"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

1 Samuel 16:7

In what ways has the Lord worked on your guys hearts this summer? Is it easy for you to fall into a routine of complaining to God instead of praising Him? In what ways do you think you can make an effort to start praising God more? 

Love always, Jess

anything but that God

Have you ever felt God calling you to do something where your like: "no no no no no NO I do NOT want to do that God! I will seriously do ANYTHING but that God." This could be something big or small, & regardless you just know deep down He wants you to do it. Thats how I have felt these past few days. Its nothing super big, but it still makes me incredibly nervous and uncomfortable by just the thought of doing it. Ugh. God would do this. Ha, I sound like a whiney child. Well I am God's child,  and I'm clearly freaking out about something that He wants me to do. 

& Guess what? It would be easy to run away. To keep moving on with my future and only focus on the "hope and the future God has for me," (Jer. 29:11). Although that verse may be totally true, the truth is that by running away from my fears, I'm actually hurting myself even more. God knows me better than I know myself, and He knows that by doing what He has called me to do that I will be set free from whatever is holding me captive. He knows that by doing this, I will receive great and immeasurable joy from doing so. But still, that doesn't take the fear out of the equation. It's still there, and it will remain up until the deed is done. One of my favorite Christian authors said it best:

"Courage is not the abscence of fear, it is action in the prescence of fear."

-Joyce Meyer 

So my lovely friends, what ridiculous-makes-your-legs-shake-at-the-thought-type-of-thing has God called you to do today? Let's be brave together and face our fears confidently! God is calling us to do these scary things because He sees the joy thats waiting for us right around the corner. 

Love always, Jess 

The #2 problem with Christianity

"Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life."

Psalm 139:24

This is a very special verse to me because a lot of the time I will quietly pray it to myself as a way to find out if there is anything that I may be putting in between my relationship with the Lord.  It helps me keep my relationship with God on track, by reminding myself that its completely okay to be honest with God and allow for Him to show me the areas of my walk with Him where I'm slipping up. This is something that I have to do often, because God's the teacher and I'm the student. I'm learning something new from Him everyday.

Last night, I found myself praying this prayer to God once again. It's not that I felt distance from God or anything, instead I simply felt nothing. God's presence was there with me, but the passion I have always typically felt in my relationship with Him was not. The second I tasted God's goodness, I knew I wanted more of it every day for the rest of my life. Now that I have become familiar with God's "taste," its very easy for me to recognize when it is gone or dying down.

God quietly responded to my prayer by letting me know that actually this time I hadn't replaced Him with anything. Instead, I had run away from one of the problems in my life, which had prohibited me from receiving His grace in full measure. I saw a set of risky and unfavorable circumstances in front of me that God was calling me to tackle head on, and I became scared. Instead of responding obediently to what God had called me to do, I ran in the opposite direction. 

"Jessica, how can you ever expect to really know me if you run away from the things I have called you to do, no matter how impossible they may seem?"

I then thought back to all of the times where God has been faithful in my walk with Him, even when I doubted Him a million times. I told the Lord that I was sorry, and asked Him to forgive me for running away from what He had called me to do. The truth is that it was easy to run away. It was easy for me to take the "safe and comfortable route" away from the problem placed in front of me. As I look back on my walk with Jesus though, I am reminded that the majority of the time He has placed me in uncomfortable situations.  I am able to see how much I was able to grow through these experiences, as I relied on His strength more than ever to get me through.

The truth is, if we want God to become something more to us than just a guy we visit on Sundays, then we must accept that the majority of the time He will place us in uncomfortable situations. God will become a lot more real to us in our lives if we make that first step in choosing courage over fear. Although He doesn't promise to take away circumstances in our lives that we may not be in favor of, He does promise that He is with us continuously, & God wants us to trust and believe that that promise from Him is enough. 

Has God called you to do something recently that your afraid of? Are you running away from an area of your life that God wants you to stand firm in? I know I have doubted God and ran away from Him plenty of times, but when I finally decided to pull through and trust Him even in the tough times, I was truly able to experience His love for me. 

Love always, Jess 

DIY Inspiration board

Hey there friends!

Today I am so excited to share my DIY Inspiration board that I made the other day! I absolutely love it and it was the perfect addition to the boring blank wall in front of my desk in my bedroom. I was inspired by to make this board via pinterest, and I am slowly becoming more obsessed with it day by day. I love everything chevron, in case you didn't know...

Heres what you need:

Cork tiles- mine are from Michael's, $5 for a pack of 4. (They're floor tiles, you can choose to buy the thick kind or the thin kind, either are fine!)

Masking tape (about $3.50 at Michaels)

White paint (65 cents a tube at Michael's! I used 2 of them for this project.)

3M command picture hanging strips

A paintbrush

A ruler & a pencil

Step 1: I used a ruler to measure the same distance from each side to form my chevron pattern. It ended up being a lot easier than I thought it would be. I also used the ruler to make straight pencil marks for the lines of my chevron pattern.

Step 2: Use your ruler to measure the length of each different line for your chevron pattern. It took me about an hour and a half to complete the whole thing. It was worth taking the time to make sure the lines were matching up on each side and that they also weren't crooked or uneven. 

Step 3: Arrange your tiles in the correct pattern you want them to be to make sure the stripes line up almost perfectly. With a pattern as simple as this, you can do the diamond, diagonal stripes, or chevron. I chose chevron only because I'm slightly obsessed. 

Step 4: Paint the remaining cork with the white paint. Make sure to do about 2 layers of the white paint. Let the paint dry completely, and then pull off all of the tape. (I love how straight the lines come out at this point! I was oooohing and ahhhhing!)

Step 5: Stick 3M Command picture strips together, they make it for simply for you to do. I cut each of my strips in half so I could put one on each cork board. 

Waahhhla!

What do you guys think? Have you guys done any fun crafts this summer? I'd love to hear about the fun things that the each of you have made! I don't know about you, but I sure have had a heck of a lot of fun this summer trying out different pretty crafts via Pinterest! Love that website...its addicting!

Love always, Jess